“The world is run, changed, and moved forward by men with Missions. A man with a Mission will achieve more in five years than the average ten men will achieve in their entire lives put together, and I mean that in a very literal sense. A man with a Mission will not cry over a girl who dumped him, will not be distracted by petty problems, will not long be delayed by any business or financial setback, will never be bored, and will live longer and have fewer health problems than other men. Women will be wildly attracted to him, and they won’t even know why. Other men will naturally trust him and want to be around him.” – Caleb Jones, “The Unchained Man”

While an occasional lazy afternoon (or the whole weekend) staying in bed having sex can be very pleasurable and life affirming, there’s something extremely attractive, even magnetizing about being a driven man.

To wake up most mornings with a purpose and ready to take on the day, no matter what life throws at you.

This relentless drive to accomplish something, to make yourself into the man that you strive to be is the antidote to most “inner game” issues, such as fearfulness, anxiety, lack of confidence or neediness.

As the paragraph from “The Unchained Man” suggests, a driven man won’t have time to cry or obsess over a girl, he doesn’t get distracted by minutia like “what should I talk about?” or “should I ask her out?” because he sees the big picture.

Simply put, because your mind is so preoccupied with “the big picture” – whatever it is for you – you don’t have the mental space to worry about those trivialities, which, interestingly, makes them solve themselves out on their own.

So how do we become driven? How do we develop that twinkle in our eyes that women find so irresistible?

The Three Aspects Of Being A Driven Man

It All Starts With Your Body

You only need to read through experiences of men who, knowingly or not, significantly increased their testosterone levels to realize how much of an impact our body can have on our mental state.

They start lifting heavy weights, improve their diet, sleep better, reduce stress and one day soon enough (usually in a couple of months) realize that they are a lot more confident, they have more energy and their sex drive is through the roof.

On the other side of the spectrum, if you ever tried an experiment where you spent a week only eating junk food, drinking beer and staying at home watching TV, it wouldn’t matter how much of a confident badass you are, by the end of the week you would feel lazy, demotivated and severely more anxious.

I actually do a similar “experiment” every 3 months or so, where with my best friend we spend the weekend only eating junk food, drinking beer and playing Civilization 5. It’s a tradition that I enjoy very much but it takes 3 – 5 days for me to recover afterwards.

And it’s not just about testosterone.

If you want to be a truly driven man, you need to take care of your body. That is why during the first three weeks of the challenge we focused so much on building the habits that will improve your body and mind.

Your environment shapes your life

The second part of the equation is our environment. Or, to be more precise, the people in your life or lack of them.

We’re social creatures and if you spend most of your time with unambitious, sloppy people, they will drag you down over time. It’s not necessarily their fault and its not your place to “save” them, but it is up to you to limit the time spent with such people before their drain the love of life out of you.

Even worse, if you spend your days without people you can connect with – friends or romantic partners – the following sense of loneliness can be debilitating. As far as I’m aware, you can’t be driven and lonely at the same time.

What are your reasons “Why?”

That’s your purpose, your passion, your calling, your mission.

But I’m sure this is not the first time you’re reading how impactful having a mission is. The truth is, there’s a lot of bullshit out there surrounding the topic, such as “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Having a purpose doesn’t mean you’ll never struggle, procrastinate, feel doubt or whatever. Instead, when you have a strong enough reason Why?, you will be willing to “eat the shit sandwich” and endure the bad parts to accomplish whatever you’re set out to do.

This purpose will give sense to the emotional rollercoaster that is our lives.

Becoming a driven man, a man on a mission, is not an easy or quick endeavor, but it’s a worthwhile pursuit that will not only make you a more attractive man, it will change how you see and approach life as a whole.

And while throughout this challenge we already covered the fundamentals under the “Your Body” category, I’d like to take the opportunity to help you take the first steps with handling the other two areas.

Week 4 – Finishing Touches

Objectives for the week:

  • Continue with the habits we started so far

  • Start working on figuring out “your mission”

  • Critically and honestly look at our social circle and people we spend the most time with

  • Re-evaluate our progress so far and drop the strategies that didn’t work for us

  • Prepare the plan moving forward after the 30 day challenge

  • Give your new sexy self a “test run” and meet those pretty ladies

Day 1

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. (Optional) Get great photos. If you’re doing online game, like Tinder, most of what we accomplished in this challenge won’t matter if you have shitty, mediocre photos. If you’re not getting a ton of matches, it’s an indicator that your photos are underwhelming (or you live in a tiny town, in which case it doesn’t make sense to focus on online game anyway). See this article on how to become photogenic.
  7. Be mindful of your self-talk.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

Day 2

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Review several of your gratitude videos. As I mentioned in Week 1, there’s a secret reason why I recommended to record yourself when doing the gratitude routine. We’ll use the videos to troubleshoot your charisma and non-verbal communication. Specifically, your facial expressions. See the details below on what to look for.
  7. Be mindful of your self-talk.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

How To Be Charismatic No Matter What You Say

I’ve never been good with verbal game. I don’t know how much of it is due to my introverted nature and how much is pure laziness of not taking the time to learn this skill, but the point is, I’m just not very quick on my feet when it comes to the spoken word.

So early in my journey, what I would do when put in a situation where I can’t come up with an answer to a question or just simply don’t have anything interesting (in my mind) to say, is I would start making faces.

These would vary from deep, intense looks into her eyes to silly, fun facial expressions and often just a simple smile without saying a word.

And yes, I’m sure it was pretty awkward at first.

But what happened over time is that I actually got pretty good at communicating with my face and soon enough both guys and girls started referring to me as “charismatic”.

Or as one girl said to a mutual friend: “You know, the best things about Darius are his deep cuts and his charisma.”

Well whoopty-fuckin-doo! And here I was thinking that I was just being shy.

To this day, I use mostly non-verbal communication when it comes to building sexual tension, showing interest, building rapport and occasionally even defusing conflict situations.

The point being is that you can be charming and charismatic without saying much, and if you actually have solid verbal game, adding non-verbal communication on top of it, will take your interactions to the next level.

The problem, however, as far as I’m aware you can’t really fake it. You can’t just mimic the facial expression without the emotion behind it. There are too many tiny facial muscles involved to do it successfully and it will come off as disingenuous and fake if you try.

So how do we go about learning to communicate with our face?

First, review your gratitude routine videos

  1. Take a few of your earlier gratitude routine videos at random and put them on mute.
  2. As you view the videos pay attention to your face and hands.
  3. Ask yourself the following:
    1. Can you identify the emotions you’re going through as you speak: at which points are you excited? Happy? Serious? Sad?
    2. Are you smiling in the videos as you speak?
    3. How are your eyes moving?
    4. Can you just feel the emotion, the passion leaking through as you speak about something?
    5. How are your hands moving?
    6. But most importantly, as you watch yourself speak (without sound), do you get a feeling that you want to hear what’s being said, because it looks freaking interesting and exciting?
  4. Or maybe as you watch the video, you see yourself speaking with deadpan face with no emotion behind the words?

Here is a short excerpt from one of my own earlier gratitude routines

Regardless of your starting point, here are couple of techniques that I found very useful to start improving your charismatic non-verbal communication.

Technique #1 – Uncensoring yourself

A couple of years ago I took a month long theater improvisation class.

It was a fun experience overall, but there were a couple of exercises we did that if slightly adjusted can help you become more charismatic and charming.

The first one was very simple:

We’d all round up in a circle and the teacher set the theme, for example, “animals”. Then she would point at any of us and say a letter, like “L”.

Then, without skipping a beat you must name as many animals you can think of that start with that letter – lion, leopard, llama, etc.

If you stop for even a second, you lose and then it’s someone else’s turn.

I absolutely sucked at this exercise!

One of the reasons why my verbal game is so lackluster is that I tend to get very analytical over the words I say. Like before asking a question I will think through all the possible answers and whether I want to hear them aloud. Similarly, before answering a question, I might think through what a follow up questions might happen afterwards based on my answer and if I want to take the conversation in that direction. It’s like playing a mental game of chess and while it has its place in certain situations, romantic situations are usually not among of them.

The trick, as I learned, to becoming great at this exercise is to start uncensoring yourself. Start speaking before you get a chance to think. The people who did best, where the ones who started saying the letter and only then figured out what they are trying to say. Sure, sometimes they would come up with ridiculous words like “L…iger” but on the whole, they still won more than anyone else.

This self-censorship is also the problem with most guys who are anything but charismatic – they are so obsessed with being seen as cool and smooth that they restrain and censor themselves.

And it’s so obvious on their face!

So our first technique is about unleashing yourself, giving yourself permission to show emotion.

As you do the gratitude routine during the following days, force yourself to show emotion. You can do this during the routine or take another extra minute or two to do some silly, weird, sexy faces afterwards.

Don’t worry about how it looks, you’re not going to share it with anyone anyway. Just have some fun with it.

Uncensoring yourself is a habit that you can practice in private and over time it will start leaking over to your social interactions too.

Technique #2 – Embody the emotion

This one is a bit more advanced and it’s how we go from goofy and silly to sexy and deliberate.

We start by visualizing a certain emotion, a certain scenario and then let it take over.

It’s best explained with an example:

Let’s say you’re on a date with a woman and you want to spike up the sexual tension. You’re sitting across each other and when the conversation slows down, you start looking into her eyes.

You don’t say anything but as you look at her, you start scanning her face. You start visualizing how it would feel to kiss her lips, grab her hair, kiss her neck.

As you do so, your facial expressions will naturally change and while she won’t know what’s exactly going through your head, she will feel the sexual tension rising too.

Similarly, you can visualize to put yourself in a more confident state and your non-verbal signals will change accordingly.

The trick here is that you want this happening mostly on auto-pilot or you risk end-up getting all analytical and in your head, which kind of ruins the whole point.

To get there, it’s a good idea to practice first.

So similarly to the first technique, after you’re done with your gratitude routine, take a moment visualize a particular scenario and see how your facial expressions and movements change.

These techniques are meant to get you started and sometime in the near future I plan on preparing a more in depth article on how we can leverage non-verbal communication to become more charming and charismatic.

For the rest of the challenge, try these techniques whenever you do the morning gratitude routine.

Day 3

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. Be mindful of your self-talk.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Evening skin care routine.
  9. Still no porn.
  10. Good night’s sleep.

Day 4

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Take some time to think about your mission. See details below.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

Finding Purpose In A Purposeless World

I must admit, I don’t feel very comfortable trying to explain how to find your mission or purpose in life.

First off, I don’t believe that we’re born with a specific “purpose” that some cosmic entity or whatever designed for us. Instead, I think we live in a pretty much purposeless world (other than spreading our genes so they survive longer) and that we are free to make up our own “mission” for the short time we spend walking this earth.

Secondly, I simply don’t feel qualified to tackle this subject. It’s too big, too personal and it would be arrogant and delusional for me to claim to know all the answers.

That said, while I don’t have it all figured out, it’s been something I’ve been researching and working on for years and I might share some helpful tips to get your started.

So, before moving forward, what is a good mission to have as a man?

Once again, I will go back to “The Unchained Man” book as I feel it summarized it best:

  • It’s something you enjoy immensely.
  • It’s something you feel very strongly about, with 100% conviction.
  • It’s something in which you are naturally skilled, and calls upon your natural strengths and talents.
  • It’s something you feel you “should” do. It should have greater meaning beyond just something you like.
  • It’s something that should take you decades or even your whole life to pursue.

But it’s also important to understand what it’s NOT:

  • It’s NOT a specific goal with a tangible outcome and a deadline.
  • It’s NOT something you just make up on the spot and leave it at there.
  • It’s NOT something that can depend on another specific person/entity.

So something like “I will use my love for learning and teaching to help fellow men reach new heights of personal development by writing books and building websites” is a fine mission, but “I will become a NYT best-selling author” is not (I mean what happens if 20 years from now NYT stops making best-seller lists ).

It can be as simple or as sophisticated as you want it to be. And no, it doesn’t need to be “grand” in a traditional sense.

With that in mind, I would like to link to several resources that I would recommend checking out if you want to dig deeper into the subject. All three are quite different in their presentations and angles how they approach the topic, but essentially tackle the same thing – pick the one whose approach resonates with you the most.

Mark Manson:

Caleb Jones (aka Blackdragon):

Steve Pavlina:

If you know of other great resources on the topic, let me know in the comments section!

Day 5

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Take some time to evaluate your environment. See details below.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

Who do you spend your time with?

Regardless how we feel about it, the people we spend most of our time with significantly impact behavior, worldview and even self-perception.

With the wrong kind of people surrounding us, we ask ourselves “how can ever do this?” and with the right kind of people it changes to “how can I NOT do this?”

So take a moment to think about the people you spend most of your time with: your family, your social circle, your lover(s).

Based on what we covered so far in this challenge, which of them are helping you grow and support your goals? Which ones exhibit behavior and attitudes that go directly against your goals and mission?

There’s really no way to sugarcoat this or make it less painful, but the deal is that if you want to achieve your goals, if you want to make the most out of yourself, you will need to make some hard decisions when it comes to people that you spend your time with.

And while it’s not easy, it really is straightforward:

  1. Limit the time spend with people, who are dragging you down. Cut them off completely, if possible.
  2. Maximize the time spent with people, who have similar ambitions, goals and values as you do. If you don’t have people like that in your life, you need start taking steps to find them (chances are it might take a while).

This principle applies whether you’re an ambitious type A personality, or you just want to “swing life away” as the song goes.

That said, there’s one thing worse than a disempowering social circle. Loneliness and isolation.

If you’re reading this and find yourself thinking “I don’t really have people in my life I spent a lot of time with…” its a problem on the different scope altogether.

Not only loneliness is almost bound to lead to neediness, it also has significant negative effects on your health and it should be addressed as quickly as possible. Whether that’s building a social circle, finding a woman (or women) to add to your life or spending more time with your family.

Now, building a social circle is beyond the scope of this challenge, but I would recommend starting with this article.

Day 6

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Schedule some time to go out/do online game/schedule dates. As noted in Week 1 of the challenge, the goal here is not to become so awesome and sexy that we can’t stop admiring ourselves in the mirror but to become more attractive, confident men to beautiful women. And while ideally you continued meeting women during this challenge, I wanted to include this step just to make sure you give your new sexy self “a test run”. Don’t put pressure on yourself, just give it a go and whatever happens, happens.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

 

Day 7

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Decide which habits you are going to continue moving forward. See details below.
  9. Get groceries.
  10. Evening skin care routine.
  11. Still no porn.
  12. Good night’s sleep.

Re-evaluate. See what’s been working best for you so far and discard the rest.

Throughout the challenge we covered A LOT of habits and strategies to help you become a more attractive man. I wanted to approach this from multiple angles and share as many diverse strategies as I could.

But it doesn’t mean that you need to do all these things on a daily basis for the rest of your life to be attractive.

If that was the case, the human race would’ve been extinct at this point.

So as we’re going into the final days of the challenge, it’s a good idea to critically re-evaluate everything we’ve been doing so far:

  • Which habits you enjoyed doing and can see yourself continuing doing?
  • In which areas did you notice the biggest improvements?
  • Which habits you didn’t particularly enjoy doing?
  • Which habits didn’t lead to the expected results?

With this in mind, it’s time to discard the things that you didn’t enjoy/that didn’t work well for you and double down on the ones that did.

Day 8

 

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. See how you can take this challenge to the next level. Details below.
  9. Get groceries.
  10. Evening skin care routine.
  11. Still no porn.
  12. Good night’s sleep.

What’s Next?

Tomorrow is the last day of the challenge.

So last thing I want to cover is where to take it from there, what other strategies you can employ going further to continue improving and moving forward.

Physique

Stick with your current routine at least for another 1 – 2 months. Afterwards, it’s a good idea see review your progress and see if you need to make any changes to your current routine.

Furthermore, you might want to look into improving your mobility with designated exercises, maybe try out yoga. Another alternative – competitive sports, martial arts, etc. Find something you love that you can see yourself doing regularly for the foreseeable future.

Staying in shape is a life-long goal.

Fashion

The end goal here is to build a versatile, sexy wardrobe and image for yourself. We already covered the fundamentals and learned how to create the “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” look earlier in the challenge.

If you want to take it to the next level, check out The Wow! Factor course as it covers everything you’ll need to know on the topic.

Glow

Further diet adjustments is the way to go. Experiment with cutting/adding different products into your diet and see how your body responds. I would recommend starting with cutting out sugar for a while.

If you have a more serious skin condition, it’s a good idea to schedule an appointment with a professional.

State of mind

Work on defining and polishing your mission statement.

And if you’re looking for more ideas on how to continue improving in this area, I would recommend checking out the book “How to Live a Good Life” by Jonathan Fields.

Day 9

 

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine. Include the techniques to improve your non-verbal communication.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Prepare your plan for the next week/month. Based on your re-evaluations prepare your plan moving forward. Be smart and deliberate about it, don’t just drop everything and let all the work you’ve done so far go to waste.
  9. Get groceries.
  10. Take the “After” photo and review the goals and expectations you set out before the challenge. To close out the challenge, I would like to invite you to take a moment and look back at what you accomplished throughout the month. Did the challenge live up to your expectations? Are you happy with the results so far?
  11. Evening skin care routine.
  12. Still no porn.
  13. Good night’s sleep.

Finishing Thoughts

I’d like to close this challenge on a poetic note, if you don’t mind. One by Rudyard Kipling, that I feel summarizes underlining tones of this challenge.

And that’s it. The 30 day challenge is now complete!

I’d love to hear how it all worked out for you? Did you follow through? If so, were the results on par with your expectations? If not, where and why did you dropped the challenge?

Cheers,

Darius Belejevas

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