“People spend their lives waiting for the cavalry, all the while never realizing they are the cavalry.” – Gary Bishop

Have you ever felt down, defeated and found yourself thinking “I just need a win, just one good thing to happen in my life so I can keep going…” or “If only this one thing would go my way, if only I could figure it out, then my life would be great, then I would be okay…”

I know I sometimes catch myself thinking along those lines.

And so we wait.

Wait for someone else to come into our lives and save us, to make everything right. For you it might be a sexy woman, a friend, a business prospect, or a mentor – anyone!

But time goes and nobody arrives.

It’s only you and whatever is happening in your mind.

And that’s the dirty little secret – you are the only one who can “save” you, you ARE the cavalry that’s supposed to charge the flank and turn the tides of the battle!

Nothing will change until you do.

What We Covered So Far

As we’re half-way through the challenge, I’d like to do a quick recap of what we covered so far:

  • We started hitting the gym
  • Designed you a meal plan to make sure your physique is improving in the direction that you want
  • Got you a new hairstyle
  • Got rid of “cockblocks” from your wardrobe
  • And designed your “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” look
  • Started a gratitude routine and a daily meditation practice
  • We’re keeping you well hydrated throughout the day and implemented a simple but effective morning skin care routine
  • Said “bye bye” to porn
  • And you’re getting your good night’s sleep, whenever you’re not meeting and sleeping with beautiful women

Does that sound right? Have you implemented all of the action steps above?

If not, go back to the day/habit you’re missing and pick it up from there.

With that out of the way, let’s see what’s waiting for us in Week 3.

Week 3 – Massive Changes

Objectives for the week:

  • Get any missing items to finish your “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” look

  • Add evening skin care routine

  • Start working on our physical insecurities

  • Further adjust our diet to maximize our glow

  • Decide whether tanning makes sense for us

  • Design meal plan for Week 4

Download the worksheet for Week Three

You can get it here. Just tick the box whenever you complete a specific task that day.

If you don’t know how to do some of the goals of the day (i.e. “Gratitude Routine”), see 30-Day Challenge To Become An Attractive Man Week 1 and Week 2.

Day 1

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique, Fashion

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. Get the clothes you need to finish your “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” look. Last week we designed your “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” look, so this week we just need to make sure that you have all the pieces required to make it happen. Whether you decide to shop online or go to the stores is up to you, as long as you get the needed items. From experience I know that it can be a bit time consuming so you don’t necessarily need to have it handled today. Instead, dedicate as much time as you need throughout the week to get the clothes.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Evening skin care routine. When it comes to skin care, twice-a-day is the magic number. We want to make sure to take care of our skin in the morning before we go out to face the day and then in the evening before we hit the sheets. Our evening and morning skin care routines can be identical. One possible exception is an anti-aging cream for guys, who are no longer in their late teens/early twenties. Most anti-aging creams are packed with an extra “punch” of nutrients and specifically designed to be applied before bed as its during sleep, when our skin fixes and heals itself the most.
  9. Still no porn.
  10. Good night’s sleep.

Day 2

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique, Grooming

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Investigate your physical insecurities. Use this article for guidance. By the end this 30 day challenge you will be, by all means, a much more attractive man. Unfortunately, our brain can be a little slow to catch up with the changes and chances are you still have some lingering insecurities when it comes to your looks. The gratitude routine and the meditation practice are already working in the background to help you heal some of the wounds, but we need to take it a step further and add a deliberate strategy to start overcoming our insecurities.
  7. Go through with any manscaping procedures you scheduled in Week 2. As with getting a haircut in Week 2, this is a “placeholder” action step that you should tick whenever you’re done with the manscaping procedures you scheduled last week.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

Some Thoughts On Insecurities

Perfect is overrated. There’s nothing fascinating about a guy, who’s got everything going for him. Who doesn’t face struggle or doubt in his life. Not only is it unrealistic, it’s also very boring.

There’s a reason why some of the best stories ever written are based on the Hero’s Journey archetype. It starts with someone full of fears, doubt, someone who is struggling. Then this character is put against seemingly insurmountable challenges and only through facing up to them, despite all his flaws, does he end up the “Hero” by the of the journey.

If there are no challenges, there is no story either.

So when you think about your insecurities – physical, historical, character, social or any other – think about them as your compass as they are showing you which path you should take to grow, to become a better man.

But as romantic as it sounds it’s also quite impractical, as struggling on its own – without moving forward – is anything but sexy.

So while were working on dealing with our insecurities, while we’re facing up to our challenges, we need to make sure we don’t let them control us. Will discuss “How” tomorrow.

Day 3

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique, Grooming

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. Be mindful of your self-talk. As discussed in the article on physical insecurities, the best way to approach and deal with them is by handling the areas that are in our control and accepting the ones that aren’t. With this challenge we’re working on the aspects that are in our control. During the remaining two weeks, I would like you to try and catch yourself whenever you are using negative self-talk related to your body image (examples of those can be found in the article we used yesterday). Whenever you catch yourself saying something like “aww… I would be so much happier if I was taller”, pull out your phone and log them. Don’t judge them, don’t try to argue with them – treat it like something silly a small child would say – with amusement. Then move on and repeat the process. The goal is to catch those limiting thought patterns before they spiral out of control.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Evening skin care routine.
  9. Still no porn.
  10. Good night’s sleep.

Day 4

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique, Fashion

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Stick with your meal plan.
  8. Evening skin care routine.
  9. Still no porn.
  10. Good night’s sleep.

Day 5

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique, Grooming

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Work out. Track Your Progress.
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Investigate if you need to make any changes to your diet specifically to improve your glow. Details below.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Evening skin care routine.
  10. Still no porn.
  11. Good night’s sleep.

What You Eat And How You Look

When it comes to glow – how healthy your hair and skin looks – regular care is just part of the equation. For example, it won’t matter how carefully we treat our hair or how great out skin care routine is if we don’t get sleep, water and nutrients on a daily basis.

So far we covered the sleep and water part, now let’s talk about nutrition.

There are several vitamins and minerals that directly impact how good our hair and skin looks:

  • Vitamins C & E. The biggest benefit of these vitamins is their ability to help protect your skin against the negative effects of prolonged sun exposure, such as photo-aging and wrinkles. They also improve your skin texture. On top of that Vitamin E helps with the healthy hair growth.
  • Vitamin A. Helps your skin repair itself and improve its condition.
  • Vitamin B complex. Improves skin elasticity, healthy hair growth (deficiencies can lead to hair loss).
  • Zinc. Can be very helpful when dealing with acne (deficiencies can lead to acne).

The goal here is to make sure we’re not sabotaging our efforts to look good simply because our nutrition is lack-luster.

So how do we go about getting them?

Getting all the vitamins and nutrients from our meals would be ideal. Google is your friend here, just search something like “sources of vitamin C” and you’ll find dozens and dozens of articles that will explain specifically which foods are great sources for a particular nutrient.

If that’s not possible (at least not consistently), supplementation is another option. I know there are a lot of debates about how effective taking vitamin/mineral supplements are, but I’ve been using them myself lately and simply put, it works.

Personally I take Vitamin A, C, D and Zinc in a form of supplements.

You goal today is to go through your meal plans and see if you might be lacking any of these nutrients.

Important: I’m not a medical professional and this is not meant to be medical advice. If you have any concerns whatsoever, consult one! In the other words, be smart. Take a blood test if you suspect that you might be lacking something, consult a medical professional, etc.

Day 6

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Make a decision regarding tanning. Schedule procedures/get products if needed. See details below.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Plan your meals for Week 4. Consider if you need to add anything in particular to improve your skin condition based on yesterday’s investigation.
  10. Evening skin care routine.
  11. Still no porn.
  12. Good night’s sleep.

To Tan Or Not To Tan

You might be surprised to learn that tanned skin as a synonym for being healthy and beautiful is a relatively new phenomenon in our history. To be more precise, it only become a thing in the first half of the 1900s. Until then sun tan was a sign of low social status, common among field workers, while the people in power stayed and worked indoors.

Until then, “porcelain pale” was the standard for beauty.

A lot of factors changed since then. Mainly discovering that there are some health benefits to a reasonable sun exposure and tanning becoming a symbol of travel, leisure and wealth (high status).

In turn, right now in most parts of the world, being fair skinned can be considered a disadvantage.

Which, depending on your skin’s natural pigmentation can be seen as a good or a bad thing.

That said, with our improved medical understanding we also now know that there are a lot of dangers related to tanning and sun exposure.

So as this challenge is meant to help you become a very attractive man, I would like to make an objective case and from there on, you can decide whether tanning is for you.

Note: personally, I’m still on the fence when it comes to tanning, natural or not. While the short-term benefits seem obvious, the long-term dangers scare me and the last thing I want to do is find myself 20-30 years later looking at the mirror, thinking “god damn, you stupid, stupid younger self!”

Natural, “diet tan”

If you read the skin care article in week 1, you should be familiar with the concept of “diet tan”. If not, here’s a quick reminder:

“I’ve touched on this in the intro, but there’s more to skin attractiveness than just a clear complexion. Your overall skin health should still be the main priority but after you have this part handled we can aim to get that extra edge by improving our skin tones too!

First and foremost, we should know what result we should aim for and several research on the topic show that for males yellowish and reddish skin tones are deemed most attractive. Another study claims that achieving such tones can be done via diet changes alone and that such changes are significantly more attractive than skin color changes achieved via tanning.

Okay, sounds too good to be true?

It might be. If you read through the articles linked and dug into the research itself, you probably realized that the methodology used (mainly the “digitally enhanced” part) is a bit flawed.

Nonetheless, there’s one more bit of research that instead of “digitally enhancing” actually had participants change their diet for six weeks to include two extra portions of vegetables and fruits daily and they managed to achieve the desired skin changes.

What this means in practice:

Aim to include at least 3 servings (~250 g) of vegetables, high in carotenoids, in your diet: carrots, melons, tomatoes, broccoli, spinach (google for more). Just don’t go crazy – vegetables might be healthy but there can be too much of a good thing.

You should start noticing results in a month or two.”

Source

This one is the least debatable and something I would recommend everyone to consider because there aren’t any downsides to eating a few more servings of vegetables high in carotenoids.

Tanning salons and sun bathing

This is where things get serious.

The short-term benefits of tanning should be pretty obvious – its fashionable, it’s seen as health and attractive, it’s a status symbol.

So what about the issues?

Primarily there are two:

  • Connection between UV exposure and melanoma – even though the odds of developing it are very slim, we’re not talking about common cold here. It’s a very serious condition and by choosing prolonged sun/UV light exposure we’re increasing the odds of developing it.
  • Photo-aging – sun exposure, the same thing that makes you look healthy and sexy when you’re young, also leads to premature aging and god awful looking skin when you’re older. Seriously, it gets really bad. If you want, google photo-aging images, I didn’t add any so as not to ruin anyone’s appetite.

It’s also important to note that based on your natural skin complexion you might be able to get a sexy looking tan with very little effort and can handle a lot more sun exposure. Or maybe you’re like me and look like a lobster for the next few days after spending just a little too much time in the sun.

Self-Tanners

While self-tanners are not new, the technology improved in the recent years to the point where they no longer suck. I’ve experimented with “Xen Tan” product line last year and I have to admit, I was very much impressed.

The first time I applied it, the first acquaintance I met greeted me with a “Hey, were you on vacation?”

It really looks as good as a natural tan, maybe even better. But there are some downsides too:

  • It’s a hassle. Even if you use the “long lasting” ones, you will need to apply them on your whole body every couple of weeks. And it’s not something you want to do carelessly because any spots you might miss will be painfully obvious.
  • It can get quite expensive. Quality self-tanners will cost you in the ~50 – 100 USD range and you’ll need to buy them every 1-2 months (depending on the brand). Sure, there are cheaper options but we’re talking about something that you’ll put all over your skin and something that you won’t be able to cover up if it goes wrong (i.e. the cheap self-tanner makes your skin look orange, instead of the sexy bronze).

I also have some long-term concerns that goes with applying something all over your skin. While I’m not aware of any definitive studies that say it’s bad for you, when it comes to skin care I like to stay on the safe side.

Other

There are also things like tanning pills but I haven’t used them personally, so I can’t say for certain about their effectiveness. From my limited research, it seems that at best, you’re getting the same carotenoid tan that we talked about in the “diet tan” section, at worse, you’re consuming something that’s not necessarily medically approved and take upon yourself god-knows-what long term risks.

To sum this up:

  • Diet tanning – recommended. While the changes can seem subtle, there are no downsides to it.
  • Sun bathing / indoors tanning – short term beauty for long-term dangers.
  • Self-tanners – works but can get expensive both in terms of money and time. Also unknown long-terms dangers.

Day 7

Focus: State Of Mind, Glow, Physique

  1. Start the day with a tall glass of water. Drink another glass of water during lunch and in the evening.
  2. Morning skincare routine.
  3. 5 Minute Gratitude Routine.
  4. 10 Minute Meditation practice.
  5. Go for a walk (30 – 60 min).
  6. Log your self-talk.
  7. Make a decision regarding tanning.
  8. Stick with your meal plan.
  9. Get groceries.
  10. Evening skin care routine.
  11. Still no porn.
  12. Good night’s sleep.

Finishing Thoughts

We started this week by making sure we complete at least one “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” outfit for you. Please don’t underestimate how important it is. Don’t just settle for the “eh, looks good enough”. It’s really hard to overstate how much of an impact this single change can make. That said, I understand that your financial situation might be limiting your options and that’s fair. If that’s the case just promise yourself to get back to it, once it’s a fiscally responsible decision.

We’re also taking our first direct steps to start dealing with our insecurities. While it’s not a quick fix by any means, if you can make it a habit, you’ll one day catch yourself realizing that you’re a much happier and confident man as a result.

Lastly, skin care. The way your skin looks is a reflection of your overall health and while we’re being proactive with developing that healthy, sexy glow, we should also be patient and understand that it might take time to heal the years of damage and neglect. And in some cases, we might need even more radical changes, such as completely revamping our diet.

Few years ago I remember reading about Cameron Diaz’s struggle with acne. I mean, it’s easy to wonder how someone whose whole livelihood is correlated to how attractive she looks, someone who has all the resources, all the access to the absolute best treatments in the world, can still struggle with acne… And then you realize that it’s one of the areas of our appearance where brute force might not necessarily get the job done. You can’t just buy your way into a sexy, healthy skin. It takes work and dedication.

And with that, we finish Week 3. Only 9 more days left…

Cheers,

Darius Belejevas

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