We met up and the moment I saw her I was stunned that she looked just as she did the last time I saw her several years ago.
And that’s a compliment! Because despite not being flawless (or maybe because of it), she was jaw-dropping, knee-bending beautiful to me. No wonder I had such a major crush on this girl for so many years when I was younger.
We had a couple glasses of wine and talked for a few hours, then I put her in a taxi and was on my way home with a huge smile on my face.
Not just because we met up, although it was a very pleasurable encounter, but because it was clear to me that we’d see each other again, and letting her go that evening was simply a logistics decision – I couldn’t have had her for the whole night.
We met up a couple of days later and she left the next morning.
Years ago, when I was less experienced, I would’ve had an ear-to-ear grin just because I had a chance to meet up with this woman. I would’ve pushed hard to take her home that evening out of fear that this was “just a fluke” and after that evening she’d never want to see me again. I would’ve tried to impress her during the time we had together, to “game” her, just so she wouldn’t realize how far out of my league she was…
But I was not the same man I used to be. By the time we met up, I had plenty of successes and I was well aware that despite my flaws and imperfections, I’m an attractive man. I didn’t feel a need to push to take her home that night, because I was confident it’d be in the cards in the future too, when the logistics would be better and we could have more fun. And when we spent that time together over a glass of wine, I was able to be genuine and real with her, without feeling the need to make myself look better or impress her.
After all, by that time I knew that no woman was out of my league just because of her looks – I was a sexy man in the making.
A Sexy Man In The Making
Guys reach the fourth stage of image mastery when they learn to tailor their image to suit their personal preferences, their lifestyle, and to attract their type of women.
The first two points here should be self-explanatory, but I want to spend some time explaining what I mean about attracting “their type of women”.
If you’ve ever had a conversation with your buddies discussing which women they find attractive, most attractive, you probably quickly realized that they are either mad, or blind, or clueless.
How could he think that blond is more attractive than the redhead?! Idiot!
Yes, it can be mind boggling to realize how different our tastes in women can be. And it’s not just about breast size, height, or hair color. The way she dresses and presents herself will also affect how attractive she appears to you (most women are masterful at it).
So when I refer to “your type of women”, I mean the type of women that you feel instant attraction towards– she might not necessarily be model material (or your friend’s type), but you can’t help but feel a connection growing and the chemistry building up.
Our goal with image then, is to create outfits that significantly increase the odds of these instant attractions, rapport, and chemistry being mutual instead of just one-sided.
There are two ways in which guys reach this stage:
- Well-Dressed Men, who know the fundamentals of style, finally start experimenting with image as a whole to find what suits them best.
- Not So Average Joes, who have been experimenting with various styles and images, finally learn how to execute their outfits properly (fit, colors, cuts) while maintaining their polarizing qualities.
Either the way, the result is the same – a man who knows how to dress in terms of finding fitting clothes, coordinating colors in an outfit, and knowing what clothes go well together, while also knowing what kind of look he’s going for and which image suits him and his needs best.
That said, A Sexy Man In The Making, is also a transitional stage, because it takes experimentation and some time to get comfortable with having a certain image. Your outfits will generally be polarizing too, and a sexy man in the making often still has trouble dealing with the need to appeal to everyone.
Common Mindsets Among The Soon-To-Be Sexy Men
“I look good when I go out but who cares how I look at other times”
Seeing a sexy man in the making during his “on” time when he plans on meeting women and in his “off” hours is like night and day, you can hardly tell it’s the same person.
Because guys in this stage of image mastery learn to build their outfits to suit specific occasions, its not that surprising that they end up looking like shit when there’s “no occasion”.
Now it’s not a necessarily bad thing, after all, it would be dumb to dress up in your best dress shirt when you’re just doing some grocery shopping. But there are a couple of problems with this:
First, it can develop into a bad habit where you completely let yourself go during off time, and if that “off time” persists for a few days, you can end up looking like a basement dweller again. This is especially bad when you start being loose with your grooming routine, because aspects of your appearance, such as skin care, depend on your ability to look after them consistently over long periods of time.
Second, looking after yourself should be as much a form of self-cultivation as it is a way to get better results with women.
After all, we look how we feel and we feel how we look.
So even though you don’t need to look your absolute best every time you leave the house, refraining from letting yourself go completely, even if you don’t plan of meeting women during that time, is a good practice and habit to develop. And a surprisingly easy one if you have a robust and practical wardrobe build around your “I’m Getting Laid Tonight” looks.
“I don’t feel like going out, I have nothing to wear…”
I know, I know… It sounds like something a woman would say just to piss you off, but it actually happens…
When you experience how extremely powerful image and the way we look can be in shaping our social interactions, it’s easy to start thinking that you’re missing out whenever your look is not perfectly tailored for a specific occasion.
And even though having the perfect look for every occasion might sound like an amazing idea, it just doesn’t work in practice if you live an interesting life full of different activities, social circles, and venues. Having a special outfit for every occasion and every season would require a massive walk-in closet and would cost a lot of money.
Instead, for most of us living in the real world, it makes more sense to make small trade-offs and go for looks that fit a specific situation but are versatile and not overly tailored to fit it.
In turn, one of the big mindset obstacles that Sexy Men In The Making need to overcome is to get okay with taking these minor trade-offs. On top of that, from a practical point of view, guys who want to go beyond this stage need to focus on building practical wardrobes to go with their jaw-dropping, head-turning, panty-soaking outfits.
“I’m not getting attention from women, something must be wrong with my outfit or my hair…”
When sexy men in the making start experimenting with image, they also start to increasingly experience the effects of polarization. Their sexual outfits that fit their desired image end up having very different effects on different people:
Some absolutely love their look and seemingly go out of their way just to make it easy for the guy to meet them, while others will either stay neutral or, often, even think that his outfit is “cheesy” or “try-hard”.
This is something that most sexy men in the making have trouble with accepting. They might know and understand it on a conscious level, but when they’re not getting the exact reactions they were expecting, they get desperate and start doubting their image skills and their outfits. Ironically, seeking this approval can make them look desperate, which just makes the problem worse as most people are pretty good at catching attention-seeking people on sight.
At a higher level, this can lead and point to a different problem – fragile self-esteem that is solely grounded on the guy’s looks and attractiveness. This is a massive problem altogether as our self-esteem shouldn’t be grounded on any single aspect of our lives or external factors, but that’s a topic that is out of scope for this article.
“I wonder how far I can push this fashion thing…”
Not necessarily a bad mindset in general, but it’s something I noticed in myself and other guys – improving our image becomes an obsession and like an addict chasing a high, we would go out of our way experimenting and pushing boundaries to see what else is possible, how much further we can take it, and what new results we can force.
The way I see it, this attitude can be helpful when you want to get really, really good at something. It’s actually necessary. That said, if this obsession arises not from seeking mastery and self-amusement, but instead out of dissatisfaction with what you have and where you are, or chasing compliments and approval, then we have a potential problem on our hands.
In other words,
If your obsession with getting better is simply because you find it fascinating to see “what will happen?” in a self-amused kind of way, that’s great!
If, however, your obsession stems because you need to find a way to impress that hot girl (or those girls), then we have an issue and there are some underlining inner game cracks in your behavior.
“ACCESSORIES! I NEED MORE ACCESSORIES!!!”
In the spirit of our last point, Sexy Guys In The Making often fall prey to the same mistake that most Not So Average Joes make – they overdo it.
I know it seems fascinating to discover that you can impact the way others see you by changing how you dress and present yourself, and it’s very tempting to try to create “the perfect outfit” that will suit every situation.
So what guys end up doing is they add more clothes and accessories on top of one another, just to add more “meaning” to it. That rarely, if ever, actually works.
Instead, what you get is an outfit that’s overloaded, painfully busy with details and looks simply try-hard. One of the big things that guys at this stage need to learn if they want to move on to the next stage is that often “less is more” and perfection is achieved not when there’s nothing more to add, but when there’s nothing more to remove.
Biggest Mistakes & Pitfalls
In the grand scheme of things there aren’t a lot of mistakes that guys at stage four of image mastery make and the pitfalls are relatively mild. That said, if we want to move beyond stage four, here are some things we should look out for:
- Reverting back to earlier stages – experimenting with image and more polarizing outfits can be a rather uncomfortable experience if you’re doing it by yourself, and one common mistake I’ve seen is guys do is reverting back to earlier stages, either to “well-dressed man” (if they go and hide for safety) or “not so average Joe” (if they start ignoring the fundamentals and their execution slacks off).
- Lack of consistency – one of the defining aspects of this stage is that even though guys think in image and have a rough idea for the look they are going for, when it comes to shopping and building outfits they still think in individual outfits, instead of wardrobes. This means that if, let’s say, their favorite shirt from their “going out” outfit is being washed, they don’t know how to replace it while keeping the outfit at the same level in terms of attractiveness and image. This leads to a lack of consistency because they don’t have interchangeable items in their wardrobe with which they can mix and match in their outfits.
- Going over-the-top / over-confidence – it’s easy to get cocky when it feels like you’re the hottest action in town and many do. The thing is, if you’re experimenting and pushing boundaries there will always be “fails” where you go just a step too far. That’s fine as long as you are aware of this and are willing to course correct instead of sticking to your guns “I’M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK NO MATTER WHAT!” This adamant persistence is great in certain areas of life, but not when it comes to image – when something is obviously not working, learn from the mistake and move on.
- The search for the “holy grail” – when you go from having little to no success with women, to improving your image and suddenly realizing that even very attractive women are checking you out, it’s easy to start thinking that maybe if you get even better at it, you’d have some sort of magic key to unlocking every woman’s panties. Well, there’s no such magic key (that’s why I wear two as accessories, haha) and pursuit of it is not only delusional, it’s actually harmful to your mindset and well-being.
Typical Reactions Sexy Men In The Making Get
When it comes to image mastery and the feedback we get from other people, there are two massive game-changing moments:
First, when you go from Stage One – The Basement Dweller – to Stage Two – The (Not So) Average Joe – as for many men this is the first moment when they realize that they can actually be attractive to women.
It’s hard to even describe how much of a game-changer that is in terms of your mindset and your self-esteem.
The second big game-changer happens when you get to Stage Four – A Sexy Man In The Making – because you actually start to notice that not only the average girls next door are giving you the second glance, but the very beautiful women too. The one’s you’ve fantasized about for so long in the past, the one’s that seemed to be “waaaayyyy out of your league”.
Not all of them, of course, but enough to register and change something within as your brain is trying to comprehend what the hell is happening – “You mean I DON’T need to play stupid games to make pretty women like me?!?!?!”
The fascinating part is that this actually ends up changing how you look at beautiful women – they don’t look as scary and you don’t feel like you can only steal glances – as well as how you behave around them.
Naturally, it’s not an overnight shift, but something that happens naturally as you experiment with finding the right image for yourself and get comfortable in it.
So when it comes to reactions you get from women, for the first time the tables start turning and you will start finding yourself being on the receiving end of “being chased” instead of chasing them.
Over the years I’ve had women ask me out on dates, ask for my phone number, shove their phone number into my pocket, had random booty calls from women I hardly knew, and woken up after parties from “surprise blowjobs”.
And even though the results will naturally vary on how comfortable you are with your sexuality, how confident you are, and how naturally good looking you are, from talking with readers and clients who’ve reached this stage of image mastery (or beyond) that don’t shy away from well-executed but sexual and polarizing looks, their results end up being surprisingly similar despite having very different personalities and natural looks from my own.
So yeah, it’s a damn fine place to find yourself in.
How To Get To The Next Stage
Removing that “in the making” part from “Sexy Man In The Making” has some practical aspects we can focus on, but it mostly boils down to inner game changes that we can direct ourselves towards, but cannot force. What this means is that if you want to grow beyond stage four, you’ll need to let it grow on you:
- Once you’ve identified the right image for yourself, start building a versatile and robust wardrobe around it – the best way to introduce consistency in terms of your image is to build a practical and versatile wardrobe around your image. You want a wardrobe that not only enables you to build great looking outfits for different occasions in your life, but also has items that can be used interchangeably within those outfits. Add a “Wardrobe Intervention” on top – an act of cleaning up your wardrobe of clothes that either are no longer up to standards after being worn out or simply are not suitable with the image you want to go for – and looking great becomes natural and something that doesn’t require any conscious thought on your side.Recommended reading – building wardrobes for all the different image archetypes is one of the core pieces of upcoming The Wow! Factor course, so if this is something you’re struggling with, make sure to keep an eye on its release. In the meanwhile, I have “leaked” a wardrobe guide for the Edgy image and you can check it out here.
- Whenever appropriate, invest in quality – something that goes hand in hand with building a robust and suitable wardrobe is starting to invest in higher quality clothes. At this point you will have solid foundations to understand whether a piece of clothing fits you, how you can wear them in an outfit, and a rather clear understanding of the image you want to go for. This means that we’re finally at the point where investing in better quality clothes is no longer a gamble. Not only will such clothes last longer and won’t need to be replaced as often, items like real leather jackets and raw unwashed denim only look better with time. Not to mention that it’s a lot easier to find great looking designs once we pass the entry level price range.
- Catch yourself whenever you fall prey to one of the common mindsets among Sexy Men In The Making – I don’t think there’s any combination of words or any single thing you could do that would make you instantly perfectly comfortable with being polarizing (after all the fear of “missing out” that is prevalent in all of us). In the same sense, it’s up to you to realize that often times less is more when it comes to image and you don’t need to wear every accessory you own every time you go out. These small mental changes are the biggest difference between Stage Four and Stage Five of Image Mastery, but it will take time to internalize and that’s perfectly fine. As long as you’re conscious about it and do the “practical steps”, you’ll get there soon enough, no doubt about it.
With what we’ve covered so far, you might find yourself thinking – what else is there is to learn? To improve?
At least I hope that’s what you’re thinking because we still have one more article in this series where we’ll discuss the fifth stage of image mastery – a place where I personally consider myself on this journey (and maybe you are there too) – and what might be hiding beyond it… As well as what I’m currently focusing on to improve, get better, and refine my image.
I want to make a quick announcement about The Wow! Factor – the ultimate course for dressing sexy and the biggest project I have ever undertaken. It’s actually completed!
Yes, every single piece from the course has been written, edited, and re-written to make sure that the quality is top notch the moment it reaches your hands.