Note from Darius: this is a guest article from social confidence coach Manny Blake from “Nice Guys With an Edge“. Since the launch of SSfJ I wrote quite a few guest articles on other sites like GirlsChase, Blackdragonblog, Kinobody, RealMenRealStyle and others, so it really gives me pleasure to share Manny’s work with you guys.

The article focuses on the fundamentals of your interactions with women from body language to story-telling to leading and much more. The reason why I really enjoyed this piece is that Manny does not only explain the importance of having your fundamentals covered but also offers practical, easy-to-implement strategies on how you can hone and practice these skills.

And now, let’s give the stage to Manny.

There’s a hot sexy brunette with a banging body standing outside Starbucks. The desire is eating you up inside and you want to pull the trigger so bad, but you lose your focus on the skillset which causes you to do an uncomfortable approach with desperate body language that weirds the shit out of the girl and fucks up the entire interaction.

This has happened to every man on earth and this happens because in the heat of the moment, when emotions are running high, we forget the big picture.

The Importance Of Fundamentals

When developing your game, emotions and ego desires tend to take over the mind which causes discomfort in your body that makes the transparency of your “agenda” clear to women. This causes the lack of connection to develop with a woman when the emotions hit our bodies, regardless of what we are saying.

And so, when interacting with attractive women, how can we stay comfortable in our bodies and in control of our emotions? We are creatures of habit and we tend to be repetitive with our habits naturally.

If you are running a 10K, you will train your body to be ready for the marathon by eating healthy, running a few miles a day on the treadmill or outside, getting adequate sleep, and visualizing yourself running the marathon.

To implement training for game, you must implement the fundamentals in becoming socially fit.  The main fundamentals include body language, eye contact, story-telling, teasing, vocal tonality, physical escalation, and leading.

Now imagine constantly working on the fundamentals in improving your game, you are then able to keep your emotions intact with gorgeous women.

Even if you don’t necessarily land the attractive girl, the idea is to be focused on the OUTCOME of the ACTUAL skill-set you are working on, NOT THE OUTCOME of getting the one girl.

The question is, how do you practice the fundamentals that can sharpen your skills during an interaction?

How The Fundamentals Keep Your Skills Sharp

Practicing the fundamentals is the key to developing any type of skillset.  Most guys that learn about attracting women tend to have an unrealistic “magic pill” mindset, thinking that “if I say this” or “I do that”, I will then “get the girl”. But when “it doesn’t work”, they either blame themselves, someone else, or the actual advice/information given, when in fact most guys don’t break down and practice the true fundamentals to increase their odds.

It’s a numbers game vs. our game and as our social era has evolved into an information/digital age; we at heart, still look for connection with another human being. However, our expectations continuously rise because “everything is supposedly easier to achieve”.

Most of us desire results quickly and lack the patience to really work on ourselves by building the foundation of the necessary habits to attract women.

Emotions indefinitely get in the way, and as men we get angry or bitter when we feel a certain way which creates an inner-conflict. This can lead to our lack of focus from our goals which can frustrate the process.

We wish for a “magic pill”, but the truth of the matter is, you must learn how to condition yourself by taking the right action which can help strengthen your repertoire.

How To Practice The Fundamentals Of Game

So what exactly are the fundamentals and how can we really strengthen them to increase our odds?

As explained before, the main fundamentals are body language, story-telling, teasing, physical escalation, eye contact, and leading.

But as our brains can only process a certain amount of information so when learning a new habit, we tend to easily get overwhelmed with so much information.  The idea is to focus on one specific skill-set at a time and accomplish a small-picture goal until it becomes engrained in you.

Body Language

Studies across show that communication is 90% non-verbal

[Note from Darius: image falls into the non-verbal category] and 10% verbal which means you can have the sharpest verbal skills, but if you’re slouching with your hands in your pockets while your shoulders are shrugged, you won’t be taken seriously. This is common when it comes to interacting with women, whereas men’s body language can be highly unattractive.

Poor body language in men can sub-consciously convey that he is uninteresting or desperate for validation from a girl. Our own thoughts are what we convey to ourselves sub-consciously which shows in our body language on how we carry ourselves. The idea is to make a conscious effort in adjusting the way you carry yourself in all-around areas of life.

What is sexy body language?

Source: Pinterest (Click on the image to view original)

As humans we are attracted to confident people who carry themselves with assurance.

Even though most humans guard their emotions, it’s heavily noticeable in an individual’s body language. A man who is in need of constant validation will try too hard and convey it in his body language, whereas, a man who is self-validated walks as if he owns the world and doesn’t need to be reassured by others.

It’s all about changing your emotional state in order to promote positive thoughts inside your brain to provoke sexy body language. Most men that do not know how to carry themselves enter a new territory or situation with a lack of confidence shown in their body language.

You want to keep your shoulders relaxed, use deliberate movements, and walk as if you own the environment.

How To Practice Body Language

Drill 1 – Everyday in the mirror look at yourself, relax your shoulders, and smile for about a minute or two (this will release endorphins).  Make this a habit. It may feel weird initially, but it will brighten your day and help transmit positive thoughts into your brain. The more positive thoughts you convey to yourself, the more natural your body language will come off.

Drill 2 – For 10 minutes a day, focus on other people’s body language and see what they’re doing without judgement or comparison. See how an individual is carrying themselves, based on your perception. Observing facial expressions and body movement can be quite interesting on both females and males. You will notice how confident people walk and act vs. people who are constantly in their heads. This also takes away the focus of being in your head, and allows you to read other people more accurately, especially when you are in a social interaction.

Eye-Contact

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Eye contact falls in the same category with body language. This can feel scary if you are looking at the girl as if you want to do unlawful things to her.

Remember, the idea is not to look at her as if you are a serial killer. The idea is to build sexual intrigue by connecting with her and keeping strong eye contact with her.

Women can sense confidence just by noticing your eye contact. You can have the most beautiful eyes in the world, but if you constantly look away, you will show that you are a softy that is uncomfortable in his own skin. Being a softy conveys weak male behavior which is highly unattractive to women. When interacting with women, keep your eye contact balanced.

This means you can gaze into her eyes by assuming she is attracted to you. This can help build the connection.

How To Practice Eye-Contact

Drill 1 – A great drill for practicing eye contact would be during social interactions and/or events with your peers, co-workers, family members, etc. When you are speaking with people, make it a conscious practice to keep your eye contact with people you know. It will then become an effective habit when you approach strangers.

Drill 2 – When you are walking in a crowded area, make eye contact with strangers that pass you and if they see you, hold your eye contact, but do NOT look away.  This will help you hold your eye contact in an interaction with a stranger, tremendously.

Drill 3 – Do an affirmation in the mirror by keeping eye contact on your own eyes by saying “I have strong sexual eye contact”. With a sexy tone, say this in the morning and at night before you go to sleep in order to make it a habit. This may feel weird at first, but it will help you become more comfortable in your skin and you will be able to keep your eye contact strong.

Story-Telling

This is based on how a woman can get a feel for your vibe. It NEVER has to be the perfect story, but the idea is to deliver a story by hitting the true emotional spikes so you can engage a girl and she can be IN the story with you.

When most people deliver a story, a huge issue is constantly providing unnecessary detail or fluff talk which can be really annoying, especially when approaching a stranger.

Her investment level is ALWAYS lower than yours INITIALLY, which means time is of the essence.  This can cause a guy to RUSH a story because of the fear that the girl will leave. DO NOT drag the story either, otherwise a girl would get bored and just be socially polite and eject.

Leave out the unnecessary fluff talk out and just focus types of stories that engage women which are fun, intriguing, adventurous, sexual, funny, and basically something that spikes emotions with the girl.

How To Practice Story-Telling

Drill 1 – Come up with 3 different stories in the various categories that I mentioned.  Write down the story first and then take a tape recorder or a camera and record yourself delivering the story for each one.

A camera is best because you get to see your facial expressions in the video.  You must practice a story every day until your delivery can feel naturalized. Keep in mind, do not memorize word for word. The idea is to practice your delivery and be engaging. When you or a friend can listen to the story, make sure to get feedback on the delivery.

The more a girl is engaged, the more you will notice your story-telling abilities improving.

Teasing

Why is teasing important? People say laughter is the best medicine, which is true.  Many guys think that you have to be a comedian to tease, which causes them to try too hard to force a girl to laugh, which results in social awkwardness. The truth is teasing, wittiness, being sarcastic, sexual innuendos, and role-playing highlights your personality type.

It’s an essential part of attraction and destroys the dryness of your personality. Dryness in your personality will lead to a dry pussy, and that’s the last thing you want. Teasing a girl spikes her emotions and sees you more of a challenge.

Improvisation is the best way to work on your teasing. A big issue men have is that they never listen while in a conversation, because they are rushing and/or anticipating on what the girl will say. Listening is a key part to teasing because you get to twist her words and make the conversation fun.

How To Practice Teasing

Drill 1 – A fun drill to become more self-amusing is to go in the mirror, look at yourself and say “Penis” about 10 times. Then, say “Vagina” about 10 times. Then go to a friend that you are comfortable with and say the same thing to him/her. You can do this with  stranger as well which will increase your state. It puts you in a goofy and silly mood where you energy radiates fun.

Drill 2 – Another drill you can do is to laugh for 2 minutes straight by reflecting on goofy moments and then dance to any song you like for 3 minutes.  The idea is to change your emotional state by changing your physiology.  This helps loosen up yourself and it forces you build momentum on your own.

Drill 3 – One improvisational drill is called the “Yes, And” drill which is a famous improvisational exercise you can do with a friend by saying ridiculous things by starting a story. After you start a story, then another person continues the story by starting off by saying “Yes, And…”

So for example:

Person 1 – A man went to go see a woman on the beach
Person 2 – Yes And it turns out that he was infatuated with the woman
Person 1 – Yes And as they were about to get it on, he found out she was a man
Person 2 – Yes And then the transgender police came  to arrest the man.

The idea here is to say crazy things that don’t make sense and are absolutely goofy, meaningless things.

It puts you in a silly and funny mood which brings out more of a fun and playful energy.  You can even do this on your own, but make it a habit.

Physical Escalation

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If you want to eventually get in a girl’s pants, without physical touch you will continue to leave cobwebs in your pants. The point to physically escalating is to progressively touch her so you are setting the frame based on your intentions.

It would be weirder to touch her 5-10 minutes later in the interaction.  Also, a lack of touching automatically gets you in the “friend zone” because you are playing it “safe”.

If you can verbally communicate really well but are not congruent with your physical escalation, then it won’t mean much to a girl. It’s all based on giving subtle touches and being comfortable that you are a sexual guy.

Now for those of you guys that are uncomfortable with touching because you are afraid to, then honestly I just have to say you’re gonna have to grow a pair of balls.  Learn how to be comfortable, being uncomfortable. To learn a skill or a habit, you have to go to the extreme and mentally prepare yourself that you may get laid or rejected, but your brain will help balance out what is acceptable and what is not.

How To Practice Physical Escalation

Drill 1 – Set the frame right away when speaking with a girl by being PHYSICAL from the start. Now, if she tells you that she’s not too comfortable with being touched just yet, it’s not a big deal and should automatically tone it down, but it will remove the mistake of not being physical at all. Women love being touched; it creates stronger sexual tension, but the idea is to balance it out.

If you are out in a social environment (lounge, bar, club), you are then able to be more physical. But if you are in a non-social environment (coffee shop, mall, subway, bookstore) – you can do light touches such as high-fives and/or side-hugs. Regardless, be PHYSICAL. The more comfortable you are with being physical, the better your chances would be in closing the deal. This is a great drill for men that are not physical AT ALL.

Drill 2 – This drill is less ballsy, but helps you develop more of a natural way of being more physical, by constantly doing it during your interactions with people that you know and are comfortable with (family members, friends,– whether it’s guys or girls). If you are known for not being a physical guy, they may question it at first, but you basically are just being more expressive on who you are. Learn to naturalize the habit by being physical and you will notice the pattern improve in your interactions.

Leading

Source: Pinterest (Click on the image to view original)

Leading is essential when it comes to game and it’s a highly attractive trait. As a man, you lead the interaction and direct the girl on where/when it goes. Women that lead tend to control the frame of the interaction which kills attraction.

Men who are uncomfortable in their own skins that lack to finish their sentences with assurance and authority results in a girl taking the lead.

Most men that are socially conditioned feel that a woman should make the plan and they should decide on where to go or what to do. This fucks up everything because you are not being true to your biological wiring.  Because of this, leading is a highly important characteristic that ALL men must have. 

How To Practice Leading

Drill 1 – Practice moving a woman when you are in an interaction with her.  If she is attracted to you, she will move with you because women naturally are the more submissive and want to be led. You are indirectly seducing a girl when you lead her. Leading shows that you are an assertive and confident guy with his head on his shoulders.

The idea for moving a girl is when she is engaged in an interaction already with you (practice the fundamentals and she will be engaged a lot more). If you are in a lounge or a bar, you can move her to different areas of the bar, or if you are in a coffee shop or grocery store, you can move her within the store.  If a girl doesn’t move with you and it’s constantly happening, then you will at least know right away she’s not interested, and it would mean to practice the fundamentals more.

Drill 2 – Make small decisions in other areas of life. When you’re hanging out with friends and someone asks “Soo… where should we go?” don’t be the “I don’t know, what do you think?” guy, be the “I’m feeling like having a beer at XYZ, let’s go there first”. Keep in mind; it’s ok to make the wrong decision and if the group doesn’t like your offer don’t try to force it. Just putting yourself out there leads to better decision making. So, make smaller decisions in other areas in life which will make you a more decisive man.

I can’t stress enough on how important the fundamentals are when it comes to learning game. There’s so much information out there that our brains can only handle a certain amount of information. You can spend days and weeks reading, trying to find “the next big thing” or “the ultimate magic pill” and not get anywhere.

Human behavior is all based on patterns and when it comes to developing attraction, you want to break down the fundamentals into small chunks so you can master each skill-set. Keep your focus on one particular skill-set, and as you keep on redefining the fundamentals, you will notice a change in your game.  Yes, there will be ups and downs, but that’s a part of game and life as well.

You can learn more from Manny at Nice Guys With An Edge and find his story here.

Finishing thoughts from Darius

Even though the article from Manny focuses on game, the core message – focus on the fundamentals first – is just as prevalent when it comes to style and image: it won’t matter how great your idea for an outfit is, if the fundamentals are off you’ll look sloppy and very un-sexy.

On the other hand, when your clothes fit you just right, the colors work well with your natural features, you dress based on your body type then even if some of the advanced stuff is a bit off, you will look great.

Not sure if your image is making you look sexy? Then let me personally help you with that!

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