The dating scene has been changing in extreme paces last several years. These days, when you’re on a first date with a beautiful woman, chances are high that there are at least dozen other guys, who are chatting her up on Tinder and another dozen will have left a message on her OKCupid or BeautifulPeople account. It’s no different when she’s out on a Friday night with her girlfriends.
And the fact is, a lot of those men are actually great guys, just like yourself, who due to the highly competitive nature of sexual market have already learned that they need to be well-dressed to stand a chance.
I’m sure those of you who’ve been in the dating game long enough noticed that even 5 – 7 years ago if you’re a stylish, well-dressed man on a night out, you’re pretty much in a league of your own. Now, however, even your average Joe is actually quite well-dressed and the margin between average and stylish is getting narrower.
And here’s an even more uncomfortable thought for you – if after a couple of dates you’re not taking her home, chances are high that someone else is.
In other words, when it comes to attraction and dating the stakes are high, the game is fast and we need to take every advantage we can get. Creating an image, an outfit that makes us look attractive and show that we are sexual men can be a very significant advantage as long as we know what we’re doing and convey the right qualities.
Actually, if we were to look at the research on the subject, creating an attractive look might be one of the most important advantages we can get. To quote from a book “Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined” by Gordon Patzer:
“The researchers had also expected that the partners of students with introverted personalities would not like them very much as future dates. Wrong again! Data from the “computer dance” experiment showed that there was no difference between introverted and extroverted personalities when it came to being liked by a date. What mattered was how pretty or handsome the other person was.”
In turn, with this article I would like to explain how we can take our well executed, stylish outfits and adapt them to make ourselves look sexually and romantically attractive. As we go, I will use my own favorite “date night” look and explain the subtleties and why it looks as it does.
This look has been so effective for me, that I’ve jokingly named it “I’m getting laid tonight look!”
We’ll start with the fundamentals – something that might seem obvious at first, but that are essential nonetheless and we’ll then move onto the peculiarities of dressing specifically for dating. All in five simple steps.
1. Be Brutally Honest With Yourself
We need to be perfectly honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want. Every week I get e-mails from men asking “how can I look like a bad boy?” and even though it’s a great look for meeting women and spiking attraction, tested by hundreds of men around the world, the question we first need to ask – do I have this rebellious, edgy side in me? If you do, make sure to check this Style Inspiration.
“Good guy” image can be just as effective in both short-term and long-term romantic situations as long as you know how to avoid looking boring (we’ll cover this in the latter step.)
Don’t try to be someone you’re not, instead learn to play with the cards you’ve been dealt.
The second part of this step is being congruent with what we’re looking for. Some of you are looking for a nice girlfriend to settle down with, others, like myself, prefer a more promiscuous lifestyle. Both are perfectly fine as long as we are honest with our actions and our image.
This way we can avoid situations where we hurt someone by misleading her about our intentions and avoid getting hurt when it turns out that the woman we just spent the night with was only looking for a short-term fling.
In my case, I’m by no means a gentleman, nor do I care to be one. But at the same time, I enjoy making people around me feel better about themselves and generally help whenever I can, so I am pretty terrible at being a bad boy too.
The result on my overall image is that I prefer to walk that thin line between social elegance and edgy attitude, which is reflected in my outfit:
- Buttoned shirt, waistcoat, blazer all add a touch of class to the look.
- Wristband and bracelets, distressed washed jeans make the overall look edgier.
I also aim to clearly sub-communicate that I’m a sexual man and not exactly relationship-material, which is done by choosing skinny jeans over something less raw and having an extra button open on my shirt.
2. Know Your Audience
Our style, our image only has meaning within a context of an audience. In other words, we’re only well-dressed because as a society we have set certain guidelines what being well-dressed means and our outfit meets those criteria. In the same sense our outfit is making us look attractive only if it helps make someone else attracted to us (or at very least, intrigued.)
It is very helpful to know the type of women we prefer and, in a general sense, what type of men these women prefer. For example, if we’re meeting college students in their early twenties we’re better off with a more youthful, exciting, even edgy look. On the other hand, if our type are corporate top performers, we might want to class up our act.
But this goes well beyond certain groups of women and also includes where we live. I’m sure there are men right now, from certain parts of the world (or certain age groups), who saw my skinny jeans and thought something along the lines of “you’ve got to be kidding me!..”
Remember to always adjust to your unique situation before copying any outfit or look.
As you probably imagine my outfit puts me in a strange position: it’s rather overdressed for your typical student’s bar but not classy enough for a dinner at a fine restaurant.
And that’s exactly how I want it to be
My type of women are well-educated (I’m a bit of a nerd myself as you know) but ones, who like myself prefer a more promiscuous lifestyle. In turn, my image makes it perfectly clear that we won’t be going on an expensive dinner, nor are we going to spend all night drinking in some bar. Few drinks, maybe some dancing and then back to my or hers place.
I also prefer women in their early and mid-twenties, so I aim to maintain that youthful but no longer boyish look.
3. Convey The Right Character Qualities
Image talks! The moment she sees us, before we even get a chance to say a word, the first impression is already in progress and based on how we dress, groom, our body language we’ve already been assigned a place in one of the mental baskets – from “I would do bad things to this man when we’re alone” to “He should totally meet my parents” to “Uh… I need to get away from him ASAP.” (Yes, I’m slightly exaggerating here.)
And even though first impression is not set in stone, we should do our part to make sure our clothes and overall image sends the right message.
I’d like to draw attention to the patterns and colors I’m using in this look. As you can see each layer has a different pattern and even though it would be easier to layer plain items, having several layers of bolder patterns does have this “I know what I’m doing” aura about it. Same with colors, picking a light blue blazer with an otherwise dark outfit (contrast does make it stand out) makes me appear more confident.
The second aspect I’d like to draw your attention to is once again skinny jeans and Chelsea boots. The combination is rather feminine, no doubt there, but when combined with some of the edgier aspects of the look, it does add that raw, sexual vibe.
As mentioned earlier, I’m making it easy to identify myself as someone, who you probably don’t want to bring home to meet the family.
4. Emphasize Physique
As much as we like them, there’s nothing inherently attractive about clothes themselves, it is the way they visually shape our body, the character qualities they convey about us that makes them so important.
When it comes to dating and attraction, a lot more emphasis should be put on how our physique is shaped and displayed. Remember, our goal is not to impress our peers or win a mental contest “who’s the best dresser” but instead awaken a very primal, biological response – attraction.
We need to come as close as possible to the ideal male physique that is embodied by V-shape upper body form, lean torso and strong, muscular shoulders. Even though we cannot actually reshape our physique in an afternoon, we can make a notable impact using appropriate layering, colors and cuts.
I’m still paying my dues when it comes to actually having a sexy physique. At 6’1” (186 cm) I weight about ~160 lbs (~72 kg), which by all standards makes me quite lean. That said, I do have some extra love around the torso from enjoying my beer a bit too much.
The result is that I’m quite a typical case: I need to make my shoulders appear bigger and stronger and visually add volume to my hands, while keeping torso looking slim and tight.
Dark waistcoat is a superb piece of clothing when we want to hide that belly and a brighter blazer as an extra layer does a great job improving the situation around the shoulders.
Sidenote: since I’ve started Kinobody’s Greek God regime a month ago (these photos were taken one week in) I managed to add ~+3 cm to my shoulders and chest, +1 cm to my biceps and forearms, while losing -1.5 cm around torso, so I’m definitely on the right track to having a sexy physique too (Yeah, I’m bragging, just too excited not to haha!)
The last step in this article is meant to help us avoid looking bland and boring. Very few things kill attraction faster than boredom. Indeed, we want our image to invoke excitement, fun, even a sense of adventure, we want to differentiate ourselves from the crowd to be that shining light in a bland, lifeless crowd.
I’m using the term accessorize in its broadest sense – not only we are talking about watches, belts, bracelets, scarves, etc. but also adding a bolder color, pattern or print to your look, showing more skin.
I must say it’s one of my favorite steps. The amount of times women approached me in bars and clubs with a “wow, cool bracelet? Can I see it?” and even more so with a “cool scarf! Can I try it on?” is beyond counting. This is particularly helpful considering that I can be a bit shy in certain situations.
As you can see I am using multiple bracelets on one hang instead of a watch, it’s very effective as you can direct where the focus goes with your hand as you’re gesticulating. This style, unsurprisingly, was inspired by the iconic Johnny Depp’s look.
From my experience scarf is probably the most underrated accessory in a man’s wardrobe. Especially when it comes to dating. Not only does it add a touch of mystery and intrigue to the look it also improves how your shoulders appear visually.
You know what’s the best part about having an outfit like this? Well, other than sex.
It’s the way it makes you feel. You put it on like a superhero puts on his costume and you feel how, almost instantly, you become the smoothest, sexiest bastard in town. This, in turn, translates to your body language and by the time you’re going out you realize that you move and think differently.
It’s no longer “I hope the date goes well” or “maybe I can pull tonight” but more along the lines of “Hmmm… let’s see, which pretty lady I am taking home tonight.”
And the moment you enter the venue you realize that women are checking you out, hoping your eyes will meet. It’s a fascinating feeling. Now, I’ve given you the tools – the question is, will you use them? (Do it, it’s worth it!)
And of course,
If you would like me to personally help you get your own “I’m getting laid tonight” look (and yes, you can come up with a less cheesy name), there are style consultation spots available for March. Thought considering that spring is just around the corner, they probably won’t be available for long
Oh, and just a quick teaser, for our “Become a 9+” experiment I will be building an outfit and grooming combo that will put this one to shame. Sounds cool? Stick around for a few more months and you’ll see!