When I created Ultimate Man’s Guide To Looking Attractive (and it’s follow up pieces) I included a short disclaimer:
“Last thing I’d like to add here – we are not talking about “being attractive”, but “looking attractive” and even though these two are very closely connected, we won’t be covering “inner game” here. If someone has the time and patience to do crowd-sourced article on “being attractive” I applause you and would love to read it (also feel free to hit me up, if you will need any help with that).”
Well, since nobody bothered reaching out to me about taking on this colossal task, I figured that I might as well take the shot at it myself
And boy did I underestimate what I’m getting myself into…
But now, after reading and re-reading countless (I lost the number somewhere after hitting the triple digits) amazing and not so amazing articles, I’m ready to present the first version of Ultimate Man’s guide To BEING Attractive.
Let me stress the “first version” part:
The thing that made Ultimate Man’s Guide To LOOKING Attractive so great was that you didn’t shy away from sharing your own recommendations and I urge you to do the same here!
(Comments section is below the article :) )
Your suggestions are as good as mine.
I only have couple of guidelines for suggested resources:
- They need to be available for FREE. So as much as I agree that Models by Mark Manson or Alpha Male Unchained by Caleb Jones are awesome books, those are not freely available resources.
- Ideally, they need to be comprehensive guides and not just a 500 – 1000 word list posts.
This invitation is also open to content creators – if you believe one of your articles deserve a place in this crowd-sourced book, you have my open permission to self-promote. That said, if anyone is going to pitch something along the lines of “5 Easy Tips To Make You The Most Attractive Man In The World” I’ll have to turn it down (sorry, my BS-detector is working in full capacity lately).
Lastly, before we get into how to use this crowd-sourced book and its structure let me explain that it’s NOT about looking attractive or sexy – we already have a guide like that on our site, expert’s edition and there’s an updated leaner version available on reddit.
Instead the focus here is on mindsets, inner game and lifestyle.
What You’ll Find In This Book
We’ll split this whole crowd-sourced book into two sections: Inner Game and Lifestyle.
Topics in Inner Game section will focus, obviously, about being as attractive to women as we can in a very straightforward manner, Lifestyle, on the other hand, will focus more on those “backstage” topics that you don’t necessarily intuitively associate with attractiveness but that do play a part in who you are and how you act. To get more specific, these are the topics covered for both sections (reasoning for them will be included in the introduction to each topic):
- Communication – quite simply, how to talk and communicate in an attractive manner. I’m of course not talking about some prepared lines but about becoming an attractive and charismatic communicator.
- Character – will cover the mindsets and beliefs about variety of subjects, like confidence, abundance, etc.
- Relationships – with both men and women.
- Sexuality – we’ll talk about mindsets and beliefs, like slut-shamming and Madonna/whore complex, and also include practical guides to help you become great in bed.
Some of the topics, especially in sexuality, relationships and mindset will be quite advanced, so if you’re relatively new to these concepts and still go all lovey-dovey about “that special girl”, fall in love after 5 dates (or even before you two had sex), find yourself saying stuff like “she’s not like the rest” and “I just want to know how to fix my special relationship” or “I just want to know how to be attractive to that particular girl!!!” – please don’t freak out.
I know that some of the concepts might seem a bit cynical at first glance – they are anything but that. Actually, when you move beyond scarcity you see that they are based on love, long-term fulfillment and mutual happiness even though it might not seem like that in the short-term.
- Your Mission and Goals – articles there will help you find and define the underlining purpose for why you wake up in the morning, why you push yourself and try to be better day-to-day.
- Getting Things Done – we’ll cover best guides on being effective with our time and creative with our work.
- Financial Independence – we’ll cover topics about managing your finances, advancing your career and how to start / run your own business.
- Living An Interesting Life – hobbies, travel and just in general how to live a life worth remembering.
- Happiness and peace of mind – last but definitely not least, the topic that potentially can actually close that gapping whole that makes you feel like your life is not enough and it needs to be filled with pussy (I love fresh pussy in the morning as much as the next guy, but let’s face it, as enjoyable as it is, it won’t make us happy long-term alone). Anyway topics will discuss happiness, gratitude, meditation.
(Quick note: I’m also very open to suggestions for better names for the categories )
Differently from the original guide, not all the articles shared here will be step-by-step guides, because many concepts are life-long journeys, instead of something that you can handle in a few months and just leave it there.
You will also find some contradictory approaches and advice in certain topics. That’s because there are many ways to handle a particular area based on your personal goals and preferences. Some of the authors shared in this post are guys, who got great with women but with the end-goal in mind of finding a long-term serious relationship with one woman, others (just as experienced, well-rounded, emotionally healthy men) – look at monogamy in general as something utterly silly and as a result of different goals and beliefs their approach and advice how to be an attractive man or deal with women will differ.
I’m sure we have readers from both sides of the spectrum so I included resources to cater to both, regardless of my personal biases (and even if it means that some of the resources might look somewhat contradictory).
How To Use This Book
This is going to be jam-packed with epic content. Don’t try absorb everything in one sitting. Despite knowing about most of these articles and having read them in the past it still took me more than a week to go through them two more times (once when collecting and once when commenting).
Instead pick an area, i.e. Inner Game -> Sexuality or Lifestyle -> Happiness and focus on internalizing what you’re reading, taking action, building new habits and getting results before moving onto another area. Sure in most cases it will take from weeks to months before you get to working on another are, but results later are better than no results fast because you got overwhelmed and half-assed everything.
And don’t worry, this article is here to stay – you can come back and deal with other areas later.
“Just Be Yourself” – Brilliance in Simplicity Or The Second Biggest Bullshit Story Ever Told?
Last thing I want to talk about before we jump into the content I’d like to quickly discuss the necessity of this crowd-sourced book in the first place.
There’s this pervasive marketing message in the scene:
“You’re good as you are, just use these 3 secret techniques and get any woman you want!”
And it’s such a tempting message to believe… There’s no pressure onto your ego… You don’t really need to push yourself, just buy this product for 197$ and all your problems will go away.
Well, I’m sorry to say that it’s mostly crap – if you’re a coach potato, who spends 12 – 16 hours a day playing an online game and been doing it for the last 5 years and you’re not even that great at it either, chances are you made quite a few bad decisions in your life and your character, your social skills, your attractiveness have atrophied.
In less hyperbolic cases, your upbringing, your social circle or previous experiences might have instilled some very malicious believes that simply makes you a not very nice person to hang around with. Or, in case of M/W complex and slut shaming, not a very attractive person to sleep/be sexual with.
Can you still sleep with a woman or two? Sure, there are pretty much as many low self-esteem, desperate people who have a vagina as there are with penises. But do you really want to deal with these kind of women?..
The bright side is that nothing is set in stone and regardless of your starting point you can make yourself an attractive man – both on the outside and the inside.
Still, it wouldn’t be fair to say that there aren’t cases where “just be yourself” is actually solid advice (even though not easily actionable).
There are plenty of men, who think they need to be perfect before they even put themselves out there, they will read articles like that, telling themselves something along the lines of “well, I just need to become more charismatic before I start hitting on women” or “I need to handle my financial situation and buy some nicer things before I can start inviting them to my place” – those are cases of avoidance and fear of facing the actual issue.
Reading more, focusing on “figuring it out” will not help and in most cases will be even counter-productive.
No, you don’t need to become as smooth as James Bond before showing women that you’re interested in them. “Just be yourself and get out there” becomes a simple, but brilliant piece of advice.
But most of us fall somewhere in between, we still have some issues to actually work out that will make us more attractive and effective, while at the same time we go out and put ourselves out there while we’re working on them.
Then without any further ado – Ultimate Man’s Guide To BEING Attractive.
(Ok, ok, one more quick note… Sorry… You will notice that some of the websites are included in this guide more often than others. It’s because there aren’t that many sites that write comprehensive, in depth guides instead of quick, fluff pieces. Another reason is that most of the authors shared here I’ve been following for many years now and I know that not only they walk the talk but also have their own results and results of their students to back their claims. Also, sites like GirlsChase, employ multiple writers, most of whom been in this game for nearly a decade or more. Lastly, due to my own ignorance it is possible that I skipped brilliant articles simply because I couldn’t find them.)
Sometimes a simple “Hi!” is all that it takes…
Ughm… Wait, what… No, that doesn’t sound right.
As romantic as it sounds, usually that “Hi!” needs to be followed up by something and as attractive as that awkward silence can be (quick tip: it’s not), knowing how to communicate clearly, how to express your desires, how to captivate her with your stories and how to drive her imagination wild when you lean in and whisper something naughty, is a good skill to have.
And no, we’re not talking about running lines and similar crap, but instead the how-to(s) of actually learning to communicate and connect with people on a deeper level and being charming and attractive in the process.
How you say something is often more important than what you actually say – this is where your charisma comes into play. It’s a common misconception that charisma is something you’re either born with or not and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s actually not the case, charisma is a skill that can be developed and these guides will help you get there.
- The 3 Elements of Charisma (First, Second, Third) – A three-part complete guide on charisma and how to achieve it by Art of Manliness based on work by Olivia Fox Cabane, author of “The Charisma Myth” (great book too!). This just might be one of the most comprehensive free guides on developing charisma.
- Charisma On Command: How To Turn It On At A Moment’s Notice – so you have that date, interview, important call, presentation coming up with A LOT on stake and you’re freaking out? It feels like your brain simply refuses to work and you couldn’t complete a comprehensive sentence for the life of…? Yeah, this article will guide you step-by-step how to “turn on” your charisma when you need it most.
- How To Develop Charisma As An Introvert – this article, written by yours truly, is in many ways inspired by the work of O.F. Cabane (first resource), though adjusted to be a bit more actionable and tailored for introverted men. Yes, you can be an introvert and still a very charming bastard.
- Eye contact – now some of the complementary skills that helps with being charismatic. First, eye contact. It’s one of those topics that are often overcomplicated – seriously, looking someone in the eyes is not rocket science. That said there some nuances and this article deconstructs them very well. Even though it’s written in a style that’s meant to explain different types of eye contact, you can use the descriptions provided to deconstruct and copy them.
- Masculine Voice – the second complementary skill is improving your voice. Once again, how you say something often matters than the actual words coming from your mouth and a developed voice can be a very nice finishing touch.
- Connecting with people – this is a transitional piece than in many ways will set the foundations for our next section, communication. The article talks about the importance of connecting with people and how to do this, this connection is a vital part of being charismatic.
Alright, so at this point you’re the charming and charismatic fellow and you can make your grocery list sound like the most captivating story ever told, the problem is, that grocery list is pretty much the only story you have to share… Time to handle the “what to say part”!
This section will consist of two different parts: general conversations and sex talk. Because well, when your words becomes as exciting as foreplay, everything else gets better too.
- Becoming A Conversationalist – a comprehensive guide on becoming great conversationalist that covers why, what and how. Reading this article alone won’t be enough to nail this elusive skill, but it will cover pretty much every aspect that you should focus on and how.
- How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say In Conversation – ah… the dreaded “what do I say next?” moment, the silence, the awkwardness while you’re both avoiding eye contact and suddenly need to check your phone. This article offers a simple approach (technique if you may) to dealing with those “I don’t know what to say” situations.
- Why Talking Less Is (Usually) Best – the other side of the coin. When you start out you feel like you need to always keep the conversation going and this often leads to having your foot in your mouth, which unfortunately can be as unattractive (or sometimes even more) than having nothing to say at all, this article talks about the mindset of talking less and when it’s appropriate (the article also includes links to follow up guides to improve your conversation skills).
- How to Dirty Talk to Women… The Right Way – introduction to dirty talk, the mindset, key pitfalls to avoid – you know, the basics to get you started.
- Simple, step-by-step guide to sex talk – simple, straightforward step-by-step guide to getting sex talk started.
- How not to mess up sex talk – troubleshooting a very common mistake when it comes to sex talk.
Quite likely the trickiest subject to tackle, though likely one of the most impactful in our lives too – our mindset, the way we see the world, the way we interpret what is happening to us and why. Because topics discussed here are not necessarily something that you can just apply directly, most of the articles will not be written in step-by-step, how-to fashion (though there will be exceptions) but instead something that you read and entertain in your mind and try to implement into your life with the long-term goal of internalizing them, which simply means that at a certain point the way of thinking presented in these articles will become natural to you.
All mindsets presented here are chosen based on three guidelines:
- They are practical and helpful when dealing with women in a romantic sense and people in general.
- Having those mindsets internalized will make you more attractive to women.
- They have logical (preferably research/experience-based) grounds behind them: believing something that seems helpful but is obviously factually incorrect will not make you more attractive in the long-term – it will make you delusional.
- Everything in your life is your fault – a bit of tough love to get your started. In many ways it sets the tone for this whole crowd-sourced book and even this site in general (yes, if women don’t find you attractive, it’s your fault!).
- Your Beliefs Aren’t Real – a macro-level article on beliefs. It discusses why we have certain beliefs and why other people might have different ones. The main takeaway from this article should have you thinking about your own beliefs and release the hold of certainty for some of them.
- Entitlement: The World Owns You Nothing – a must read for any guy who finds himself thinking something along the lines of “but I’m a good guy! Why don’t quality women don’t find me desirable?!” and gives a more thorough explanation why “just be yourself” is often a bullshit advice.
Now that we got you accountable for your life, let’s talk about beliefs around women.
(Note we’ll also cover some of the specific beliefs in the latter sections)
- Four levels of beliefs when it comes to sex and women – the article summarizes the four levels of beliefs that men go when getting better with women. The interesting thing is that you can do this backwards and internalizing the healthier beliefs will reap you the appropriate results.
- There aren’t enough girls – excuses, excuses, excuses – the number one factor that stops us from living a fun life or becoming attractive for that matter. This article will help you deal with some of the most common ones. It’s also the transitional piece to our next section.
How do you see the world?
- Is there plenty of amazing women for you to meet every day or quality women are scarce are rare? Even more so, how many of them do you think will find you attractive?
- When it comes to money and financial opportunities? Do you think that there’s plenty to go around as long as you’re willing to go for it or every opportunity is like a gift from god?
- What about happiness? Do you think it’s only for the chosen few who were lucky enough to born into the right circumstances or do you know for certain that it’s something within your grasp?
Here’s the deal, the answers to these questions will determine not only how you see the world but also how you think and act. As a result, they will play a huge impact onto the results you’re getting day-to-day.
Neediness is an extremely unattractive trait that affects you when dealing with people (both men and women) and as a result this large section will help you understand neediness, abundance and how to move from the former to the latter.
- 9 Steps To Avoid Neediness And Oneitis – One of the best articles on dealing with neediness and it also has a link another must-read from Franco (the latter is one of the all-time classics). Apply the advice and it will change how you view yourself, relationships and women – it will make you a much more attractive man. No kidding.
- Behaviors to avoid – a precautionary (though very fun if you’re on the other side) article that tells real stories of neediness and scarcity inspired behaviors from men and how it resulted when dealing with women. I hope that reading it you’ll realize how freaking unattractive such behavior is.
- Keeping Your Cool: Don’t Chase Women – when there’s abundance of women in your life and you realize that no, she’s not “one a million” your actions change, you stop being obsessed with getting validation from her or any other women and in turn, you stop chasing. This is particularly attractive behavior but the question is – what to do instead? Well, this article will answer that and more.
- How To Get Rid Of Jealousy (Mostly) – jealousy is a malicious manifestation of neediness and scarcity despite what cheesy TV shows and books are saying, no, it’s not a sign of love or passion, just neediness and insecurities. This article will help you address and deal with most of your jealousy breakouts.
- Absolute abundance – alright, so till now we mostly focused on the issue and practical “fixes” how to deal with neediness but the only long-term answer to all this unattractive behavior is absolute abundance, it’s also the different between level 3 and 4 in terms of how you view women (for reference see the article “Four levels of beliefs when it comes to sex and women” above). This article shows you how to get there.
I remember watching a seminar, can’t remember if it was by Tony Robbins, Jay Abraham, Eben Pagan or someone else but it doesn’t really matter. The speaker took a 100 USD bill from his pocket and asked “Who wants a 100 USD?” most hands went up. He asked again, now almost everyone in the audience were raising their hands. He asked again and something interesting happened – a guy from one of the front rows just walked up to him and took that bill – now that’s confidence, seeing an opportunity and taking it.
So tell me, right now are you the guy who walks onto the stage and takes the free money or are you among those who are sitting there with their hand raised? Or maybe you’re too embarrassed to even admit that you want something?
This section will help you get closer to the former, even if right now you’re in the latter category.
- How To Gain Confidence: 6 Tips To Nail Self Confidence When You Need It (and part 2) – a solid two-part article that gives you practical tips on developing confidence. Practice and reap the benefits.
- Confidence for introverts – reading Caleb’s website you wouldn’t guess that he’s an introvert (btw and so am I), he’s confident in his positions, engages in debates and is confident in expressing himself freely. There’s this misconception that being introverted also means being shy or lack confidence in social situations – we’re not. But we had to learn how to be confident in those situations and this simple, but practical guide offers several great tips on getting there.
- 6 Easy Confidence Boosters – another set of practical, real-world tips on feeling more confident. Quick tip about the first point: dressing two notches sexier works even better!
- Rejection Therapy – being willing to put yourself out there and risk rejection is the cornerstone of being confident. But what if instead we actually try and seek rejection to get comfortable with that idea? Well… as this article discusses, good things happen.
- Most common insecurities – insecurities and confidence are mostly incompatible, at least in a general sense. The article does a great job discussing and offering remedies for some of the most popular insecurities that men have.
I only discovered Mark Manson’s work a year or two ago. Yes, I heard that he has a solid book from guys with similar “hobbies” as mine, but I’ve been filtering this type of reading material for several years now because most of them are a bit underwhelming and in some cases even counter-productive.
Nonetheless, eventually I got to reading “Models” and the concept that struck me the most was Vulnerability, not because it’s been so groundbreaking (in many ways it is common sense) but because it finally gave a name to something I’ve been doing for a long time in my own life and the only thing that really worked for me when it comes to dealing with women (and people in general) – being honest, being real and, to quote from the first article, refuse to be anyone else.
- Intro to vulnerability – introduction to vulnerability, the what and why. Seriously, just read the damn article!
- Vulnerability Primer – troubleshooting primer for vulnerability that address most common misconceptions and why you going all “drama queen” on her is not as attractive as you may thought.
This might be surprising but this is actually my favorite section in this whole crowd-sourced book. I know I often come off as cynical or “player-ish” but I’m actually a big believer in love. Not the “I love you. Be mine forever and ever. Or else…” bullshit, but real love where you care about the person deeply and genuinely want him or her be happy (yes, you can love your pals too. And you should!)
- Reconciling Love and Seduction – if there’s just one article you decide to read from this whole book, let it be it. Seriously, it just might be the things that’s ever been written, I’ve read it multiple times myself and shared with women in my life. If you could somehow magically instantly internalize what’s written in this brilliant piece, it would make most of this whole crowd-sourced book irrelevant because things like neediness, relationship drama, etc. would stop being a reality in your life – ah, I wish it was that simple…
On a side note: this guy also creates really fun (and brilliant in their own way) comics for men, highly recommended and can be found here http://www.fuzzyandoj.com/index.php?id=201 (link to my favorite one J )
- Love women – a more practical approach on how to love women without giving away your life your loosing attractiveness in the process.
- What Is True Love – another great article on love, what it is and how to develop and cultivate it with people in your life.
We’re all social creatures, we need people in our lives to love, to share an adventure with or simply to connect over a mug of beer or glass of wine.
At the same time, relationships can also be one of the biggest headaches and sources of pain in our lives: that co-worker you can’t stand, that lovely lady, who’s been acting up, etc.
As a result, knowing how to set boundaries, create healthy relationships is of utmost important for a happy and fulfilling life. We’ll split this section into two: with women and social circle (this section will also cover some of the lifestyle related topics), both should be pretty self-explanatory.
- The Rules – all your sexual relationships with women will fall into one of a several categories, from most casual to most “serious”. This article gives you very accurate rules how to treat relationships in each category and what to avoid. This is an all-time-classic when it comes to relationship management.
- Drama management (Part 1 & 2) – so you skipped the first article in this section or read it but decided to ignore the advice because “I’m experienced, I know better” and now you find yourself listening to her giving you drama. Congratu-fukin-lations. The first article in this explains why drama, any drama is BAD for you and for her and the second will offer some solutions on how to deal with it.
(Alright, now let’s wonder towards more traditional types of relationships.)
- Toxic habits and Healthy habits in relationships – in these two articles Mark covers common, everyday relationship situations (habits, if you prefer) that we commonly think are normal but actually are very toxic to both partners and situations that are actually healthy for the relationship that are frowned upon in the mainstream.
- Respect in a relationship – the article explores and explains the importance of respect in relationships and how to maintain it long-term.
But relationships are not just about women, it’s with all the people we allow into our lives. So next we’ll cover how to build relationships and friendships with both men and women.
- Social Circle Game Guide – to make this transition easier, let’s start with how a great guide that explains how to turn some of those social circle situations into sexual ones.
- Building friendships – a complementary piece to the previous guide. A must-read for anyone who finds it difficult to build real friendships with people.
- How To Make Friends – a very comprehensive and practical guide to making new friendships. Especially applicable for guys, who are already out of school/college or don’t have another highly sociable environment at hand.
- A beginner’s guide to anti-networking – this not exactly an article but a directory (just like this crowd-sourced book) that links to other great resources on making friendships and developing relationships with people.
- Setting boundaries – healthy boundaries are a must for all prosperous relationships, with both men and women, this superb article explains what are boundaries within relationships and their importance. Awareness in this case is the first step to taking responsibility for them.
To this day, I am yet to meet a man, who’s perfectly content with his own sexuality and sexuality of others and still struggles with meeting and laying women. Really, I don’t think it’s even technically possible.
Madonna / Whore complex and slut shaming
A woman will never truly open up to you sexually if she will suspect that you might shame or judge her for her own sexuality. As a result, M/W complex and slut shaming do not belong on an attractive man’s resume. What is M/W complex and slut shaming – let’s find out.
- Woman Lover And Woman Haters – an introductory article to M/W complex and issues it presents to men and their intimate relationships.
- Why Do We Label Women Sluts – “there are no sluts for experienced men”. The article discusses why some men label women and sluts (and for some weird reason don’t consider it a compliment…) and how silly it actually is.
- Slut-shamming (and part 2) – now, after reading the first two articles you might be thinking something along the lines of “but… but… women sleeping around with lots of guys is bad… right?.. Right?!” No. And in case you’re still not convinced these two complementary articles will debunk any almost seemingly rational argument you can muster.
- How To Be A Sexually Liberated Guy – being a sexually liberated man, who can appreciate and handle woman’s sexuality is immensely attractive and this article explains its perks and how to convey that.
- Sexual awakening – and when you’re a sexually liberated guy, who no longer has issues with female sexuality you can use this to help sexually awaken your partners, which is a treat to both you and her. This article in many ways will set the tone for our next section.
Becoming great in bed
Being an attractive man, without being good in bed is like writing a check that you cannot cash and no matter how charming, funny or charismatic you are, women will not come back to you if you can’t fuck them right.
- Being Really, Really Good in Bed – our introductory article to becoming great in bed. It’s more about the mindsets and context than actual techniques. For those see the next (two) articles.
- How To Be A Good Lover (And Give Her Orgasms) – and the follow up (Make Her Orgasm In 8 Minutes Or Less). Alright, I don’t think a lot of explanations are needed here, the how-to’s of being great in bed.
- Dealing with performance anxiety – so there’s a stunning woman in your bed, willing and eager, and yet for some freakish reason you just can’t get yourself in the mood, in that blissful sexual state. Well, chances are you’re having performance anxiety and most of us been there. Fear no more, this article will help you deal with it.
- How to Manage Premature Ejaculation So She Still Thinks You’re a Man – the topic no one really wants to talk about, the issue can make even the biggest and strongest men crumble in front of their petite, sexy women “it… never… happened… before…” haha! But seriously, if you struggle with premature ejaculation and are not sure how to handle it, this article will have you (mostly) covered.
Just a few more interesting, sexuality related reads that don’t really fall into any other category.
- Porn – the article discusses impact of porn to our sexual lives. The topic itself is very debatable with camps of very experienced men in both corners and truthfully from my own experimentations I’m still not sure whether porn is bad or just another harmless pleasure. Read the article and decide for yourself.
- You don’t need to earn that pussy – a common misconception in the mainstream dating world is that a man needs to do something to earn sex with a woman, as it’s a commodity, a bargaining chip. This misconception naturally puts men’s sexuality and our offering of sex as something less valuable and can be a very malicious belief to have about our sexuality and sex in general.
Second part – Lifestyle
We’re halfway there. So far we covered the more direct aspects of what makes a man attractive, but about all that time between meeting and sleeping with beautiful ladies, how do we handle the rest of our lives so that they enable us to live to our fullest and, as a result, be more attractive because we are men on our own paths, ambitious, relentless and yet happy.
(IMPORTANT NOTE: because we’re starting to tackle wider array of subjects that require even deeper mastery and expertise, I would like to remind and urge you to share articles and guides that you feel deserve to be in these sections.
Your Mission and Goals
Why do you get out of bed in the morning? Is it because it’s morning and you need to go to that shitty job you have because the bills won’t pay themselves or because it’s finally morning and you can get back to working on your life’s work, your purpose.
Do you have that fire burning in your eyes when you talk about who you are and what you do?
Well, you should!
Mission & Purpose
Let’s start with discovering work that’s actually worth doing beyond just paying the bills.
- How To Find The Work You Love – our first link will be for a TEDx talk and frankly, it won’t be very practical in a sense that you probably won’t feel like you have it all figured out after watching it. Instead, you should feel motivated to embark on the journey on finding and defining your mission as a man.
- 7 Questions To Help You Find Your Purpose – I hope I don’t need to explain that when I talk about “purpose” and “mission” I’m not talking about an idea that some divine spirit to us on earth to be a part of some master plan, of course not! (I don’t smoke that kind of stuff). It’s more practical and as you’ll find in this article is mostly boils down to a simple question “what I can do with my life that’s important?”
- How To Avoid The Wrong Path – what most of you probably don’t know is that before SexyStyleforJoe I had another site, 2Have2Be2Do and it was a lifestyle blog, even wrote a book for it (Yeah, yeah, it was fashionable). After that lifestyle blog had to be shut down, I started learning about bartending to research how complicated and costly it would be to open a venue (the answer is VERY). Only afterwards I created this site and even then its original direction was different. But now, couple of years later, when I get e-mails from readers and clients where they share their success stories with dressing sexy I realize that I finally found my dream job, something that motivates me beyond just money. This article is exactly about that, about exploring and discovering, about embarking on paths unknown to eventually find something that will capture your heart and soul.
- Key Success Factors – a short but very practical piece on helping you figure out on what you should work on to succeed in any area of your life.
- A Woman Should Never Be Your Mission – I wasn’t sure whether to put this piece into the section on Abundance or here. Eventually I’ve stuck with mission just as a reminder that no, any particular woman should never be your mission, among countless other reasons because it will, counter-intuitively, make you less attractive to her too.
Okay, so we now know what we’re working on and why. We have answered all those big-picture questions – what now? Well, here comes the fun part, making those grand plans and lifetime quests into tangible and achievable goals.
Interesting thing – knowing that you’re a man who can raise and achieve his goals is a very huge boost in confidence and, as a result, attractiveness.
- Ultimate Guide To Setting Goals – one of the most comprehensive and practical guides to setting goals I ever seen and… it’s available for free!
- How To Juggle Your Goals – but let’s say you have more than one goal, you want to have a great physique, fulfilling sex life, business that pays the bills and then some and maybe even a social life with a friend or two. Well, this article is by yours truly, and explains how I do things.
- 7 Step To Changing Your Life – another practical, no-excuses approach to making changes in your life and achieving what you want.
Getting Things Done
The problem with lavish missions and big goals is that they require creativity to come up with solutions to inevitable problems, obstacles and time to execute. Becoming efficient and productive with your work becomes of utmost importance, because it leaves more time to play.
Coming up with new, ingenious ideas is a skill that can be developed if practiced and exercised. The articles in this section will help you prepare your creativity workout program.
- The Ultimate Guide for Becoming an Idea Machine – a superb comprehensive article on exercising your creativity muscle, from why to step-by-step how. If in the last two weeks your most creative idea was “hmmm… I should order a pizza…”, it’s a must read.
- Mastering Creativity (.pdf) – this is a free e-book on creativity from James Clear (you can also get it by subscribing to his site here: http://jamesclear.com/creativity ).
My laptop’s wallpaper used to have sexy ladies. Now, it has only three words – “GET SHIT DONE”. On the bright side, by “getting shit done” I get to see more sexy ladies in my bed instead of my laptop.
- Ultimate Guide To Productivity – as the title suggests, a practical ultimate guide to productivity that takes you step-by-step from waking up and setting your day to success to handling various daily tasks.
- “Productivity” Tricks for the Neurotic, Manic-Depressive, and Crazy (Like Me) – at this point I expect that everyone know, who Tim Ferris is – yeah, that “4-Hour” guy – and this is my favorite article he shared on his site. It’s not exactly about productivity in a straightforward sense, instead it shows the human side of being hyper-productive, that people who accomplish seemingly the impossible are not “superheroes” and day-to-day they too struggle with those same obstacles and challenges of productivity and performance that the rest of us do. Very inspiring and humbling read.
- Procrastination – everyone struggles with procrastination to one extent or the other, the question is – why? Mark wrote a detailed article that makes it easy to understand why we procrastinate and offers a (not so simple) long-term solution.
- Procrastination (Practical) – in case you’re looking for more actionable and easy-to-implement tips for dealing with procrastination on a daily basis, Ramit has you covered with this article.
- 80/20 – but sometimes just being efficient is not enough, if we want to get meaningful results we need to be effective, which means that we need to know what to focus on and what to let slide in the background. I present to you the famous 80/20 rule that applies to pretty much every area of our lives.
In the seduction community a lot of guys resort to extremes when the topic turns to women and money – some say that your financial situation doesn’t matter at all, other claim that they’d be pulling left and right if only they were rich. And even though there are some good arguments on both sides, these extremes are obviously incorrect when you think about it for more than 30 seconds.
Being financially independent and being able to support yourself will affect your confidence and how you carry yourself, at the same time, even though it enables you to do some of the things you might want to do in life (from hobbies, to traveling, to getting better clothes, to simply having peace of mind that because you know how you’ll be paying your bills this month), having money won’t get you laid on its own, at least not with the type of women you’d actually want to get laid with (sorry escorts and gold-diggers, I prefer women who want what’s in my pants, not my wallet).
And hey, as you’ll see in one of the articles included – there are strong evidence that your finances affect your happiness too (but not necessarily in a way you might suspect).
- Is High Income Important – ok, so seriously, how important money is? Well, read this article for a very convincing case.
- Ultimate Guide To Making Money – let me start with a quick disclaimer, this guide will offer some valuable tips to making money but Ramit’s best content comes with an e-mail subscription, it’s still free but you need to join his mailing lists (I’ve been on it for a while now). This applies to another IWT link, “Find Your Dream Job” too. Now, from one side it’s kind of against the rules for this crowd-sourced book but frankly I wouldn’t feel comfortable making section on Financial Independence without including Ramit’s work. I don’t know any other site that hard-tests its content and ideas so vigorously.
Career And Business
- Find Your Dream Job – as with previous IWT link, this is not a single guide but instead a directory of resources specifically to help you find a better job, career. And as with the last link best stuff is still hidden within the subscribe box. I’ll let you contemplate whether your e-mail address is worth getting great content that potentially can help further your career and income. (From my own experience I can say that other than an occasional sales pitch for his own product, IWT sends no spam.)
- “I Want to Make Money From Anywhere in the World – Where Should I Start?” – what if you’re the type of guy who dreads the idea of working for someone else, on someone else’s dreams first. You’d like to start a business, maybe even an online one – those are popular these days after all – can I give you a full guide on doing it? Well, not really, most “full guides” that are actually worthwhile also come with a four digit price tag, but this article will get you started and if you’re smart about it you can get a lot done from free resources available on the net.
- Realities of quitting your job – but before you run away from the comfortable certainty of a day job to pursue your lavish dreams, make sure to read this and the following article to get a glimpse into the backstage, the dark side of making this decision. Be afraid, be very afraid. Then, follow the steps to deal with it.
- On realities of online business (first 1000 days) – I laughed out loud several times while reading and even though not every journey is the same, this article very nicely depicts the some of the realities of starting a business.
- 1000 True fans – the ultimate guide to marketing. Really, it might sound ridiculous, maybe overly simplistic and I can’t say for certain if this applies to all types of businesses, but I can say from my own experience that every new true fan that I get here at Sexy Style for Joe significantly increases the site’s income and I love each and every one those guys because they make this SSfJ possible!
Living An Interesting Life
So now let’s talk about that time of the week between working and sleeping with pretty ladies – how do you spend your spare time? Are you keeping active? Do you have any hobbies your passionate about? Well, you should!
(Note: because there are literally thousands of various hobbies out there, I’ll only a include a few that interest me and let you help me fill the rest with your own personal favorites.)
- Traveling – my first traveling adventure was working abroad for about four months, in those months I had more adventures and experienced more life than in my 5 previous years, combined. I’ve been traveling less lately but it’s just a temporary set back and soon enough I’ll be relocating to another country once again
- Dancing – dancing was my first non-video game related hobby that I picked up after entering university and I’ve been reaping its benefits ever since. Not to mention that it’s a great place to meet pretty ladies, knowing how to dance is an extremely attractive skill to most (all?) women.
- How to Mix a Drink to Make Her Taste Buds Pop – another hobby I picked up during my restless adventures was after taking a bartending course. Nothing beats the “hey, let’s come to my place, I make great mojitos” line.
- Yoga – I admit, I haven’t done yoga yet – my first class is scheduled in about two weeks. The reasoning why this hobby has potential to be awesome is simple: flexibility, breathing (for energy), also it’s a mostly undemanding way to get some exercise just after waking up to start the day strong.
Happiness And Peace of Mind
Last but definitely not least, we need to talk about the thing that we’re all striving for – happiness. Now, being happy is both a very easy and a very complex topic depending on how you look at it. Handling other Lifestyle areas from this crowd-sourced book will get you a long-way there but not necessarily all the way. This last section before finishing this gargantuan article will help us get there.
- Guide to Meditation – Have you seen the movie Limitless? You know, where the guy pops a pill and instantly becomes much more awesome at everything – creativity, productivity, intelligence, willpower, etc. It’s like having your brains on steroids, except it’s healthy. Well, regular meditation practice is the closest we have to it in the real world.
- Ultimate Stress Busting Post – this article definitely deserves the word “ultimate” in its title as it covers pretty much everything you need to know about dealing with stress.
- Gratitude – There been several times in my life where it seemed like everything is falling apart and just getting out of bed felt like an unbearable task. I’m sure there were times like these in your life too. Some people turn to vices like alcohol and alike to numb the brain, others have it even worse and turn “spiritual”. For me, the thing that actually helped me get through those periods was spending few minutes a day practicing gratitude and yes, it’s as simple as it sounds and yet also very complicated in the moment when nothing seems to be going your way.
- How do you measure your life – a brilliant piece that discusses the importance of how we choose to measure ourselves, our lives and others and its impact on our well-being and happiness.
- How to be happy – “If you have to try to be cool, you will never be cool. If you have to try to be happy, then you will never be happy. Maybe the problem these days is people are just trying too hard.” Better description for this article than I could ever come up with.
- Thinking and awareness – what you think will affect how you will see your life, how you will deal with mundane realities of day-to-day life. Learn how to think and reap the benefits of appreciation. You decide what has meaning and what doesn’t.
After 8000+ words I’m feeling a bit exhausted to write an elaborate finish and I’m sure you’d be too tired to read it anyway.
So let’s keep it simple:
- Just because I compiled this crowd-sourced book, it doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out – I don’t. It’s a lifelong quest and here next to you on that same path.
- This article is by no means complete and I need your help to do it – share resources, articles that you think deserve a place here. We can even add a category.
- If you think that a particular article/guide has no place being here please share a rational (you know, facts and stuff) argument in the comments below or offer a better alternative.
Other than that,
I hope you will find it helpful, useful and will keep coming back to it!