It’s not an easy task to try and objectively evaluate a stage you’re in as you are living through it. After all, you cannot judge a lesson that hasn’t been learned yet.
In the previous articles in this series, I could look back at my life at different stages of image mastery, and looking at the big picture, tell you the mistakes I made, what worked and what didn’t, the impact reaching one or another stage had in my life, and what actions lead to getting to the next stage – the lessons learned on the path to better image, outfits, and results with women and people in general.
Trying to do so in this article would be intellectually dishonest, because without getting to the next stage (whatever it might be), I can only suspect what will lead me there, and I can’t really look back and pinpoint the mistakes I’m currently making – I mean if I knew that, I wouldn’t continue on making these mistakes. Make sense?
So with this last article in the series, the structure has to be a little different. Instead, I would like to share the day to day realities of getting to a point where your image is covered, when it becomes one of your strengths that works towards your goals instead of against them.
I will also tell you the areas that I’m currently focusing on improving that I expect will help me get to new heights in terms of image, attractiveness and ease of mind.
But before we get there,
If you haven’t already, I would highly recommend checking out all the earlier articles in the series to give you some context on where we started and how we got here.
- Stage One: The Basement Dweller
- Stage Two: The (Not So) Average Joe
- Stage Three: A Well-Dressed Man
- Stage Four: A Sexy Man In The Making
After all, getting from this:
Is one hell of a ride!
A Sexy Man On A Mission
As I’m about to get ready to head out, I look at the clock – I have 30 minutes to shower, groom myself and get dressed – perfect. The last part usually takes just a few minutes these days as I have built a versatile wardrobe around the image I want to create for myself. All items are picked in cuts that look flattering on my physique, in colors that works with my complexion, and they can be easily mixed & matched when building an outfit.
This means that even if I picked out items completely at random, the resulting outfit would look great and flattering to say the least.
I also have a few EPIC items – bold and attention grabbing – that require a bit more consideration but are very much worth the effort, especially if I feel like really stealing the show when I enter the venue. But that’s mostly for an ego boost than an actual necessity.
Anyways, I don’t know about you, but I never enjoyed spending time and effort stressing about “how to dress”. Yes I did that a lot in the past, as I was learning and doing a lot of experimenting, but that was just a means to an end.
Just like being painfully aware of your form when you’re learning to squat or deadlift, the point is not to spend the most time worrying about form, but to actually maintain and practice the perfect form throughout the exercise so you can focus on doing your absolute best with efficiency.
My approach to learning style was very similar to this: focus on the “form” (fundamentals, image, etc.) while I was learning, so that I could eventually build a great wardrobe with great outfits and just focus on going out and having fun with beautiful women.
And that’s the whole point – to do the work beforehand, so that when the time comes and you need to look your best, it’s already taken care of. Not stressing over how you’ll need to dress when meeting that cute girl for a glass of wine.
To free your mind from worry concerning clothes, so you can focus on the big things in life – that’s what being a man on a mission is all about.
The Mindset Of A Sexy Man On A Mission
All in all, if I had to sum up in one word my relationship with clothes these days, that would be Zen.
As I went through the stages of image mastery, one thing was always consistent – the fear of not doing a good enough job, of missing out. I was always my own worst critic – every little imperfection that most people would never notice would end up stressing me out.
This obsession with perfection definitely affected me and helped me go through these stages and get better, especially since at the time there wasn’t really anyone I could learn these things from, but it’s not emotionally healthy in the long run.
On the same note, it took me quite a while to get okay with being polarizing – the fact that not everyone will like my image, not all women would find it attractive.
And these are the two mindsets that I want to dwell deeper in this article.
Imperfect And Yet Simply “Wow!..”
One of the best lessons to learn in life is that no one actually likes or wants “perfection” – whatever that means.
Not only is it unrealistic, it’s actually kind of a turn off.
We tend to pursue perfection – just like I did – hoping that if we do everything right, then surely we can avoid rejection. I mean, if we’re doing everything right than what logical reason would someone have to not like us, or not be attracted to us?
Too bad (or luckily) it doesn’t work way.
Some guys take it to such an extreme that when they look in the mirror and see that they’ll never be 6’ 3” with an epic jawline, chiseled abs, with a full head of hair and perfect skin, they just lose hope and give up – why bother if I’m never going to be “perfect”, might as well not waste my time here.
But perfection is boring, there’s nothing to build chemistry with or to be challenged by. If you’ve ever spent some time reading women’s sexual/romance novels (something I did in the past, quite insightful), you’ll notice that the main male heroes, the ones that capture women’s fantasies and fascination, are always flawed – sometimes because of major emotional issues or ruggedness in the way they are portrayed.
“A perfectly polished pretty boy with everything going for him, with an easy breeze of a life that was just handed to him” is rarely, if ever, the fantasy.
So what’s a better goal to have?
Becoming simply “Wow!..”
No, not in an attention-whoring, “look at me!!! Please…” kind of way. That’s try-hard.
But instead, acknowledging your limitations and still doing your best with the cards you’ve been dealt.
Your aim is to look your best, not because it’s a way to hide the imperfections, but because it’s a form of self-respect, it’s because that’s the kind of man that you are: the man who knows what he wants, how he wants to be seen and treated, and unapologetically goes for it.
Now that’s a panty-soaking, head-turning “Wow!..” that we’re talking about.
Polarization – One Of The Best Things To Ever Happen
If you ever spent time in the “seduction” community (or now as it’s popular to be called, “social arts” community), you’ve probably seen the term “screening” thrown around.
The whole idea here is to quickly rule out women that for one reason or another don’t seem to be very compatible or willing to move forward in your interaction: maybe because she’s in a new happy relationship, the chemistry is simply not there, or her laugh is so annoying it could be classified as a form of contraception – just few of the countless reasons why you might not want to escalate your dealings with her.
Polarization is in many ways a form of screening,
After all, when you know who you are, what you want and what you don’t want, and are comfortable with your desires, you can tailor your image to communicate these qualities and naturally filter out the women you wouldn’t be compatible with.
It all makes perfect sense in theory, but it’s also one of the hardest concepts to internalize, and actually live and practice. Especially if you don’t have other women in your life to get sexual and romantic satisfaction from, and your standards boil down to “reasonably attractive” and “has a pulse”.
Then it’s easy to come out of a failed interaction with a sense of loss and find yourself wondering, “What if I was different? Maybe it could’ve worked?..”
The problem is that if you do go down this rabbit-hole and start polishing yourself up, smoothing out all your rough edges, not only will it hardly make a difference with these women that you should’ve skipped in the first place, you’re also robbing yourself of the chance to meet women you are most attracted to, where chemistry and rapport feels natural and overwhelmingly pleasurable.
Polarization is also a great tool to help you understand if you’re doing a good job with your image: the type of people, the type women you attract, are they the ones that you actually want to attract, the ones that make your blood boil and eyes shine with passion?
If not, maybe it’s time to take a moment and consider if you’re being honest and genuine with your image?
What About Results With Women?
If you read the last piece in the series – A Sexy Man In The Making – you may wonder, “What more could there be to improved results with women.” I mean, once you go past random booty calls and being asked out on dates, there really doesn’t seem like there’s much space to move upwards, other than having random women come up to you on the streets and/or bars and ask you to take them home so they can screw your brains out.
No, I won’t bullshit you, that doesn’t really happen (at least to me) and based on the few experiences I had where unknown women were super direct from the get go with me in terms of hooking up, it was kind of weird, so I’m not even sure if I would want this to become a day to day reality.
So from a practical point of view there really isn’t that much of a difference in terms of the results you get from women.
One thing that does change to a certain extent is your own mindset when it comes to dating.
Let’s say I’m going out to meet someone for the first time or chatting up a new girl at a bar. Things like “is she attracted to me?” or “she’s so hot, maybe she’s out of my league” don’t really come up. Attraction itself becomes something given, natural and assumed to simply be there, until proven otherwise (rarely happens).
It’s not any sort of game or advanced re-framing I’m doing, it just feels like the most logical and obvious thing.
So does that mean, now that I’m at this stage I can get any girl I want?
Ha! Of course not. Come on, I know you’re smarter than this.
Things like logistics, her relationship status, whether the chemistry and sexual tension is there or not, and character compatibility are still there and of course there’s always a chance that I (or she) says something very, very stupid. So even though the physical attraction is there, you learn that there’s more to an amazing sexual and/or romantic experience now that you have options.
On top of that, I tend to be very open and straight-forward about my “no attachments” lifestyle and some women are just not eager to go down this road. That’s fine, I can respect that.
So in other words, when it comes to dealings with women while being A Sexy Man On A Mission, it boils down to two things:
- You’re perfectly aware that you’re an attractive man that many beautiful women find desirable. Of course not all of them, and that’s perfectly fine because you don’t find all of them attractive either.
- You’re not intimidated by her beauty: you can appreciate it and enjoy it without feeling inadequate in comparison.
You realize how rare such men actually are, the ones who know how to present themselves in a genuine and attractive manner.
I enjoy talking to women about their Tinder dating experiences and it’s funny to hear how appalled most of them are with the awkward, shirt raised bathroom selfies, and posing in front of their “fancy” car that so many guys consider to be their selling point.
So when you show that you actually know how to present yourself in an attractive light, you’re different, you’re intriguing (not to mention sexy!).
Fears And Aspirations Going Forward
I look back at the years spent learning about clothes, about style, about image, and I can’t help but smile – “wow! I can’t believe how much my life has changed!”
Working on this aspect of myself became the catalyst for all the other changes that followed: it helped me develop confidence, charisma, motivated me to hit the gym – everything to make sure that the person I am is on par with the image I created for myself.
That said, going forward there is one fear, a potential pitfall that I’ve seen in others I want to avoid at all costs.
Yes, my biggest fear right now is becoming like one of those guys in the gym, who are so obsessed with their own looks that they would rather admire their own biceps rather than sneak a glance at the hottie doing squats.
(Just don’t stare, don’t be that guy haha!)
It’s just such an unattractive, unmanly thing to do.
Obsessing over your looks shouldn’t be something that consumes your life, that everything in your life is built around, but instead be something that empowers you and helps you achieve greater things – hence the “man on a mission” part.
As for what I’m focusing and working on right now (or plan to start working on in the near future) in terms of taking my image to the next level:
Clothes & Style
- Expanding my wardrobe (or in some cases replacing pieces) with high quality clothes – for most of this journey I was highly dependent on fast fashion brands and relatively cheap, off-the-shelf clothes. Think H&M, Asos, Zara, etc. And even though I still stand firmly that you can create an amazing image for yourself without breaking the bank, as my wardrobe is getting more stable I’m looking to increase the overall quality of clothes. Not just because you can find some absolutely stunning pieces in the higher price range easier, but also because they will last longer and won’t need to be replaced as often.
- Learning to design my own clothes (and then find someone who can make them) – this is going to be the big project of mine once The Wow! Factor is launched and you’ll have everything you need to know about menswear and dressing sexy at your fingertips. Even though this is first and foremost a personal interest, I can see a lot of potential value in understanding all the intricacies of how clothes are made and how different design features affect the end result.
- Taking care of my skin is still a high priority and even though I can see how it’s clearing up after years of neglect, it’s a slow process to say the least. On top of that, as I’m getting closer to 30, I also need to start taking steps to make sure it stays in its prime condition for as long as possible.
- Talking about skin, I’ve had some interesting experiments with self-tanners and even though you can’t argue with the results (Xen-Tan is a brand I would recommend), I’m still on the fence regarding whether or not I want to regularly apply it all over my skin because it’s difficult to predict if it won’t cause more issues than it solves 5 or 10 years down the road.
- As my hairline is slowly but steadily receding, I do need to start considering my long-term options. In the meanwhile, the combination of my hair type and receding hairline leaves me with very few options in terms of suitable hairstyles, so at least visiting a hairstylist is a breeze.
- During the 7 or 8 months where I was religiously focused on creating The Wow! Factor everything else in my life was put on temporary hold, including improving my physique. Luckily, I managed to stay lean during this time, and regaining strength and muscle is a lot easier. I’m already back on track.
- That said, my physique goals have changed a little bit. Before, my big focus was leaning down and getting rid of the fat around the torso (which was rather easy to do with WSP), but ever since a friend pointed out that I look exactly like Chris Evans when I laugh, I’ve become extremely curious to see how I’d look with an extra ~8-10 kg of muscle on my frame. So lean bulk is the name of the game right now and probably the next couple of years.
- It’s not exactly physique related, but because it involves exercises of sorts, I’ll note this point here. Facial exercises, something I found out about last year and even though I’ve barely experimented with them so far, it’s on my “soon to do” list. The goal here is to once again delay aging and make sure that I look as good as I can, for as long as I can.
Will any of those will lead to Stage 6 of Image Mastery?
I can only hope so, or maybe it will be something completely different. Either way, I’ll keep you updated once I get there (or you can update me if you get there first 😉 )
How About You? Will You Be Joining Me Here?
A couple of years ago – I would say I was still at Stage 4 at the time – I was spending my Friday night at a bar. I went out alone to rock out and have some fun, maybe bring a girl back home.
As I was taking a breather in a terrace balcony outside, a guy approached me and we started talking about women and stuff like that. I don’t know what exactly he saw from my interactions with girls inside but eventually he dropped this bombshell: “Yeah, it must be easy for you, you’re lucky to look like this”.
I smiled and nodded. Then took another look at him:
About average height, average or just above average facial features, slightly above average physique, clear skin (at least it appeared to be in that lighting) – all in all, there was nothing visual that would make him straight up unattractive, there was no physical reason why he couldn’t be doing what I was doing there.
There was, however, a mindset difference between the two of us.
When I was back at the stage where he was, I was dissatisfied and so I did everything in my power to get from the place where I was unhappy to the place where I wanted to be – here. He, on the other hand, was dissatisfied with his looks, but instead of working to improve how he presents himself to the world, resorted to play the “blame game”, clinging to any possible excuse that might help to explain why he’s not the man he would like to be.
Look, I don’t like bashing other guys like this, I really don’t, but I’m sharing this to ask you an important question – are you someone who goes after what he wants or someone who looks for excuses?
And I’m serious with this question, it’s not rhetorical. Really think about this for a moment – if you’re not at the stage you want to find yourself in, what are you doing to get there? If there are things you want to learn, why are you not learning them?
Whether that’s improving your image, your physique, becoming more charismatic or anything else, when you drop the bullshit excuses of why you can’t, why it’s the “wrong time”, etc. and start focusing on getting better in that area, you will see what kind of man you can truly be.
With that, I would like to finish this Image Mastery series, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you.
As a final reminder, The Wow! Factor course is now launched and it was designed to get you to this stage no matter your starting point. Alternatively, let’s talk and see if I can help you get here personally.