First off, let me address the elephant in the room – the campaign to raise funds for “Nerd’s Guide To Looking Sexy” didn’t come through and by a large margin at that.
I failed to communicate my message in the right words to the right people (and the right amount of people) and provide the right incentives. I greatly overestimated some sources and missed potential opportunities. Sucks, but it is what it is. It’s time to learn from this experience and move on.
I thank everyone who supported and helped with this campaign from the bottom of my heart, truly – I will never forget this.
Ok, before we all collectively start sobbing I want to make something clear – the book will happen. It might change slightly in format and might take a bit longer, but its purpose will remain true:
To create a single, practical, actionable, fact and evidence based resource for every man, who wants to become his sexiest self. A book that anyone could pick up, follow through and get maximum results in improving his perceived physical attractiveness.
Now that we got this out of the way, it’s time to move on to something just as awesome!
How To Become Your Sexiest Self?
You probably remember that a couple of weeks ago we did an experiment – how style alone influences one’s attractiveness and even perceived height.
Spoiler alert: we managed to increase my perceived attractiveness on average from 6 to an 8 (on a 1 to 10 scale).
The results were not that unsurprising, though personally I think if women were not trying to be “nice” when surveyed the first score might have been even a bit lower.
But about the second result – if you imagine a woman, who’s a personal 8 to you, she’s probably quite attractive but not exactly someone that makes your mouth water from the first glance.
All in all, the average attractiveness of an 8 is actually a pretty solid result, considering that you can’t be every woman’s type (the variation in results from 6 to 9 is a good indication). This result is even more impressive when I recall my background – growing up I never was that “pretty boy” and a lot of work went into getting to where I am.
Even though I’m quite happy with the results of our experiment, they are not good enough for someone who wants to help fellow men become their own sexiest selves.
You know those cliché expressions – practice what you preach; walk the talk; put your money where your mouth is; etc. – I actually believe in those.
What actually makes a man attractive?
Let’s make a short list what variables are at play that define how physically attractive a man is.
Genes & stuff – facial features, natural height, etc. all those things that we don’t really have control over. The fact that we can’t control those makes it pointless to worry about them.
Style – the clothes you’re wearing, my go-to strategy as you can completely transform yourself in a very short time.
Grooming – another quick fix and in many ways just as impactful. This covers your sexy hairstyle, facial hair, manscapping, looking after your teeth, etc.
Posture – usually overlooked and underappreciated aspect, yet one of the most important. Posture is the quality that can make a less-than-sexy guy look like the most confident man in the room (and vice versa). The fact that the way you stand, sit, use your body affects your mental processes (heck, you can even get a short-term testosterone boost just by standing right!) makes it even more powerful. If you add facial expressions and eye contact to the list, you’re very likely looking at the most effective way to improve your physical attractiveness in the long term (getting good at it, unfortunately, takes a lot of time too.)
Skin – our biggest organ so it’s not surprising that we unconsciously associate healthy looking skin with good health and good health makes us attractive on the most primitive level. True, we cannot fully control the color of our skin and some other aspects, but we can make the most out of it (and we sure as hell should!), very important aspect.
Physique – last but not least is our body composition, our body fat%, our musculature. If you’re into the scene, you probably think that you need <8% body fat (or even less?) and big, big muscles to look your sexiest self. Well, science keeps it simple:
“…women find men with moderately developed torsos the most attractive. In several studies featuring silhouettes of differently shaped male torsos, women showed a strong preference for a shape consistent with the ideal hunting physique: strong shoulders, suggesting good throwing ability, but not too much muscle mass, an excess of which negatively affects endurance.2, In one study, thirty women were asked to rate the attractiveness of men in color pictures. Each male figure was prerated for its waist-to- chest ratio, waist-to-hip ratio, and body mass index. Waist-to-chest ratio was the principal determinant of attractiveness: Males with narrow waists and a broad chest and shoulders were rated as being more attractive.
A more recent 2003 study spotlights a payoff for hours spent in the gym: Men with higher shoulder-to-hip ratios reported having sex at an earlier age and with more sexual partners.26″
Gordon Patzer Ph.D.. Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined
In other words, if you have those areas handled, you’ll become your sexiest self and a very, very attractive man overall.
A Quest To Become A 9+
Now what would happen, if let’s say some men’s style aficionado decided to dedicate about 6 months and focus on improving all of those aspects, you know while he’s writing his book on becoming your sexiest self *wink wink*
His goal would be to repeat the experiment and reach an average physical attractiveness of 9+
To give you some context, if you would take guys from “sexiest men 2014” list (there are plenty of those, pick any ) and put them on the street, without their celebrity status, most would fall somewhere between 8 and 9 (on average, quite a few even lower).
Indeed, for an average guy to reach a 9+ is one challenging goal!
So how would one go about getting to this magical place?
Well, tackling on all those areas we discussed above would lead to being overwhelmed and crying in a corner, eating potato chips with ice cream and whiskey after a week or two. And even though that sounds somewhat fun, it’s not the best way to reach our goal.
We would need to take on each piece one by one, build a healthy habit that improves our current situation then move on to the next part.
We also need to consider that for some of those areas to start bringing results it will take time – physique, skin, posture; other areas can be improved instantly or nearly instantly – grooming, style.
So here’s the plan.
Officially this journey starts Monday, December 1st, 2014 and will last for six months.
- We will dedicate 1 month for each area – physique, posture, skin, grooming and style. Last month will be there to make those last adjustments.
- Each month will start with 3 weeks of research on the topic, to find best techniques, actionable strategies to maximize one’s attractiveness in that area. Then, one week to put those strategies into a plan.
- During the last week of the month and the 3 research weeks of the following month will be “building the habit” time. For example, let’s say, for the first 3 weeks, we’ll be researching the first topic and preparing an actionable plan, then on December 22nd we’ll start this plan and dedicate the next four weeks to make it a habit. Starting January 1st (ok, let’s be realistic, January 2nd or 3rd…) we’ll start researching another topic, while still focusing on building a habit for the previous topic, and so on.
Would you like to guess, which topic will get the privilege of opening this experiment? Which topic requires a lot of time to bring maximum results, is extremely effective in making us attractive and makes it easier to reach and master other areas?
Let me give you three options:
You’ll find the answer in the next chapter.
But before that, there’s one last missing piece of the puzzle.
If you ever started a major, long-term project that pushed and challenged you, you are well aware how important is to have the right people in your corner. (How many times you tried exercising alone and few months in, because no one was keeping you accountable, started skipping days and in another month or two stopped going altogether?)
Surrounding yourself with like-minded people, who are motivated and on the same path as you is by far the easiest way to reach any goal. It’s the factor that turns “How can I do that?!” into “Of course I can do that!”
And so, I would like to invite you to join me on this journey and become your sexiest selves too. But only if you’re really committed.
Introducing SSfJ Inner Circle
Let’s face it, for some of you this is just another website you occasionally read, maybe get an idea or two about how to dress / what to wear, but I know there are some of you that are very serious about learning to dress sexy, maximize your physical attractiveness (usually with a hidden agenda of improving your sex lives in the process. Hey, that’s one of my main reasons too ). It’s usually the guys who comment asking for an article on a particular topic, e-mail me with questions and requests, guys who get personal consultations.
Since the beginning of this community I wanted to offer something extra to the latter group, to help them speed up this process. Personal consultations is to date the best I can offer, but I am well aware that some of you don’t need full transformations in the fastest time possible and instead prefer a slight push in the right direction and learn on your own pace.
This “Quest To Becoming A 9+” opens another way for me to help you guys, who want it all and want it fast!
Starting Friday I will open doors to a closed (secret) Facebook group “SSfJ Inner Circle” (Inner Circle does sound like something a villain from James Bond movies would call his closest friends, doesn’t it? :) )
What will you find in SSfJ Inner Circle?
First off, I will use this group as a way to document and track everything I learn, experiment with, results I get, etc. when it comes to the quest of becoming my sexiest self. This way, if you choose to, you can join me on this path and become your sexiest self too.
This also means, that if you’re doing any kind of work towards improving your physical appearance (including if you decide to join the Quest Of Becoming A 9+), you will have a support group of like-minded men who will advise, cheer, motivate and, if needed, give some tough love on your road.
Because this is a community all members will be encouraged to ask anything related to their own physical appearance (and women in general, hey, it’s fun to talk about women from time to time haha!), share your thoughts, articles that you found or wrote, etc.
Also, as this will be a secret group (aka no one other than current members will see the content in the group), you’ll be able to safely share a photo or two when asking for advice. This way we can both secure everyone’s privacy and still give spot on advice.
Lastly, this is for those who asked me to post more often :) I will personally be making at least 2 – 3 updates per week + helping those who seek advice.
To get a glimpse how this will look in practice, let me share a couple of screenshots from what I’m preparing (the group is still somewhat empty, so it’s kinda lonely there haha)
In the future I’ll add videos, links to other epic articles on improving ones appearance (written by other experts) and much more awesome stuff.
How to sit at the cool kids table?
My goal here is not to have as many people as possible, but instead keep the circle somewhat small, only for men who really want to be sexy.
To do this, Inner Circle will have symbolic monthly fee.
This fee will serve two purposes:
- Because it’s important to only have motivated people on our path, the cost, even though insignificant, will separate those who really want to improve and become their sexiest selves from those who’re looking for excuses.
- As mentioned earlier, the book is still happening. So the monthly fee will help fund the book too. Win-Win.
We’ll start off at 5 USD to keep it affordable to everyone (in most places of the world that’s a price of 1 – 2 beers, so everyone can cut that per month and your liver will thank me too )
However, to keep it small, monthly fees will be increasing. First increase will happen after we hit 10 members.
Just to clarify, your monthly fees will always stay the same, if you joined our Inner Circle at 5$ per month, you’ll only be charged 5$ per month even if new members are being charged 20$ to join.
And of course, if you ever feel it’s not worth your money, you will be able to unsubscribe at any time.
I will officially be opening Inner Circle on Friday, November 28th, but if you want to reserve your early spot now, feel free to e-mail me with “I want to join the cool kids table!”
UPDATE (November 29, 2014): Our Inner Circle Is Launched!
Until then, I invite you to share your thoughts, questions, suggestions in the comments below. Take some time and think about it – are you ready to start your path to actually become your sexiest self or will you sit this one out too?
Lastly, I’ve been getting e-mails that it’s getting cold outside (and hey, I get it, winter struck suddenly here too!), so to help keep you warm Style Inspiration: Winter 2014 will be published on Friday too.